PISCES

Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac, and embodies a bit of all the other signs. Maybe that’s why Pisceans always easily empathize with others. This is NOT a mind-oriented sign, but one of feelings and instinct. So, basically this is the sign of OPRAH….not at all rational, but check under your seats for a free make-up bag and the title for a new Prius.

Often drawn to living a deeply spiritual life, and with an innate understanding of mysticism…the average Pisces starts out wanting to be a prophet such as real Piscean Edgar Cayce who embraced the hidden mysteries…but they usually wind up as a Jim Jones of the infamous spiked kool-aid murders in Jamestown, or a David Koresh with the Branch Davidian cult out of Waco, Texas…loony, creepy, and sick.

This call to moronship is because the Pisces wants to let go and surrender to the flow…thinking they will find their way to the Spiritual Source of our being. Oddly enough, Pisceans are also totally capable of being the very people RECRUITED by those cultist leader nut jobs. In the language of mysticism, Pisces represents the surrender of the soul to the Divine. The symbol of the two fish swimming in different and opposite directions indicates the duality of this sign. Pisces can either redeem themselves by connecting to their spiritual natures, or sacrifice themselves and become martyrs or victims if they are unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. To sum up, either they have both their sides connected or they can manifest as unbalanced extremes…kinda like Carrot Top at a Kenny G concert.

They can either serve or suffer, saints or sinners, and many manage to be both…the pedophilic Priest comes to mind, as does the hypersexual teacher, or George Sandusky from Penn State…shameful!
People born under the sign of Pisces have vivid imaginations and live in the world of dreams. Their chameleon-like natures enable them to blend into a variety of different situations with ease….think Ben Stiller in “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”…a fictional character in James Thurber’s short story brought to life on the big screen. Mitty is a meek, mild man with a vivid fantasy life, indulging in fantastic daydreams of personal triumphs. In the end, well meaning, but insensitive strangers inadvertently rob Mitty of some of his remaining dignity. Sort of like Obama lately….just sayin’.

Born under the sing of universal love and compassion, the Pisces love children would have made great Hippies in the 60’s, but instead they find themselves working for the underprivileged, the sick, and those who are unable to function in society. So, basically…..the NSA.
Pisces people are incurable romantics, and tend to put their partners on impossibly high pedestals…no, not like King Kong and Faye Wray on the Empire State Building, but more like Dog the Bounty Hunter and whatever the hell you call his woman…wow!
Pisces can live in denial rather than face the truth. Richard Nixon:
“I am not a crook!”
Bill Clinton:
“I did not have sex with that woman!”
Anthony Weiner:
“The terrorists hacked my cell phone and put those pictures of me on there.”
Yeah….right.
All Pisceans need to retreat occasionally and spend time on their own, because they are so prone to absorbing the feelings of others, and thinking of those emotions as if they were their own.
I give you an epic verbal exchange from the movie “TROPIC THUNDER”, as a perfect example of Piscean personality…being both beguiling and infuriating…making them the consummate artist or performer. Take Kirk Lazaras, as played brilliantly by Robert Downey Jr. in black face (ouch)….
Lazaras, an Australian multi -Academy Award winner expresses his confusion on who he is exactly…(try not to piss yourself).

Lazaras:
“Me? I know who I am. I’m the dude playin’ the dude disguised as another dude.”

Kevin Sandusky:
“What?”

Lazaras:
“You’re a dude that don’t know what dude he is!”

Tugg Speedman:
“Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is, and claims to know what dude he is?”

Jeff Portnoy:
“What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

Tugg:
“By playing other dudes..”

Lazaras:
“I know what dude I am.”

Tugg:
“You’re scared.”

Lazaras:
“I aint scared. Scared of what?”

Tugg:
“Or scared of who?”

Lazaras:
“Scared of who!”

Kevin:
“Come on you guys. We really need to go!”

Tugg:
“Scared of you!”

Jeff Portnoy:
“What’s going on?”

Tugg:
“The dudes are emerging.”

Lazaras:
“He’s right, you know? I’m not Sergeant Lincoln Osiris…

Alpa Chino:
“We gotta roll out!!!

Lazaras:
…nor am I Father O’Mallie, or Neil Armstrong.”
I…I think I might be nobody.”

Kevin Sandusky:
“Wow! The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous.”

In conclusion, Pisceans long for something transcendent and magical to make life seem less ordinary, often taking refuge in fantasy…..basically the ultimate “gamer”.

When they allow themselves to go with the flow, they open themselves to creative possibilities far beyond the reach of other signs. They need to find a form in which they can express themselves….music is an option, for it feeds their desire to be swept away. No wonder they have trouble staying grounded, with such a powerful longing to be taken to unknown heights.

GOOD DAYS:
February 28,29
(Try a new beginning on the 29th)

DIFFICULT DAYS:
March 14,15,16

Till we meet again…