First week of deer season underway at Camp Shack

Forrest Johnson

The Shack Marching Band dusted off the tubas and trombones and got out into the woods last weekend, visiting all the hunters in their stands for miles around. With a rousing rendition of their signature "Deer Kill Polka" and "Rum Boy Blues" the 100-plus unit band will emerge from the woods, resplendent in their spit-and-polish uniforms with the blaze orange sash and cummerbund, form themselves into a fiery image of the universe and blast out a song for the enjoyment of the lone hunter in his stand.

At that, the Exalted Shack Master, acting as drum major, will ask for quiet.
“Have you seen any deer, my good man?” he will query.
At that, most hunters will respond with a smile and a hearty yes or no, thankful for the visit far off in their lonely stands.
Most hunters, but not all.
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Bob the Prophet has been working on another worthwhile project. Non-alcoholic booze--that still gets you just a little tipsy. Rum Boy was skeptical but admitted that marketing is what rules the world.
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We had finished another dinner cooked in the perfect oven. Green beans and pine needles, cookies and rum.
“Sure is a nice combination,” one of the boys said. “You wouldn’t think so, but it is.”
With adventurous culinary spirits, the cooks at Camp Shack have always been on the cutting edge of haute cuisine. Lichen stew, motor oil pancakes, deer toes, lutefisk all prepared in or near the perfect oven. The oven has its own spirit, we know it does, and it never fails us. Potatoes, yams, electrical circuits, enriched bratwurst fuel cores, it bakes them all to evolutionary perfection.

We bow to the oven every day and leave the newspaper at its feet. It especially enjoys reading the local news and doing the crossword puzzles.
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We are a responsible shack. If you have a drinking problem and you come to visit, don’t worry. All of our drinks have a small governor on them and can’t be gulped too quickly. We think it’s a nice safety feature for those battling the demon rum.
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Unusual tracks I have seen during deer season:
Even with the snow we've had over the past couple of weeks elephants have been moving through the area again. They seem to follow the ridgelines and appear to move with a carefree “...let’s see what happens” attitude. In northern Minnesota they have few natural predators other than trains. The ever-changing global warming landscape near the shack had been taking on an equatorial savanna-like look lately and I was wondering what the chances were to see a hippo ...only at the shack. I thought I’d heard a Tarzan call earlier in the day but then realized it was simply a passing pileated woodpecker.

I checked my pocket Tracking Guide to Worldwide Mammals and knew right away I’d found an elephant track.
A week later I saw an ad in the local paper. 
“Missing--one large elephant. If found, please contact Jose Cole’s Traveling Circus. Small reward.” 
After a little sleuthing, I found an entry in the Sheriff’s Report in the local paper indicating that high schoolers on a prank had released the elephant known as Clyde when the circus stopped in Silver Bay to repair a flat tire. The boys admitted to taking Clyde for a stroll through town but said the elephant vanished when one of them went home to make him a peanut butter sandwich. A neighbor made the call when he noticed an elephant looking in his front window as he was watching television.

The caller told police he tried to lure the elephant into his garage with a banana, what else do you lure an elephant with, he supposed, but the elephant dashed off when a dog started barking.

“I’ve had bears look in my window, the old lady down the street and, well, I haven’t told too many people this, but once I think sasquatch was messing around with my bird feed