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I would have much rather seen a good old-time wrestling show on the White House lawn than an MMA extravaganza.

Well now that sycophant and Secretary of State Marco Rubio has settled all our differences with the Pope and the Cath-olic Church we can move ahead with peace through force and the Department of War. That makes sense doesn’t it?

I mean what better representative for diplomacy can we send other than “Little Marco,” who is a practicing Catholic and a mouthpiece of contradictions. Head of a federal department now cleared of career diplomatic employees who “milked the cow of federal dependence,” according to right wing radio and Elon Musk, Rubio could now get down to the business of mending fences with the Holy See.

Sitting there like a stuffed animal with Pope Leo, the secretary perhaps could have mended fences better by inviting the Pontiff to the White House lawn on June 14 for the big mixed martial arts smackdown in honor of Flag Day and Donald V. Rumpt’s birthday. Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, will turn 80.

The Pope had already declined an invitation to Washington on the Fourth of July for the nation’s 250th anniversary because of previously scheduled maintenance. He had to change the oil and rotate the tires on the Popemobile.

Leave it to Rumpt to host a gaudy and bloody display of masculinity at the People’s House.

I would have much rather seen a good old-time wrestling show on the White House lawn than an MMA extravaganza, the kind that American Wrestling Association ringleader Verne Gagne used to televise statewide on Saturday evenings from the spacious confines of the Calhoun Beach Manor in Minneapolis.
I know most of those old timers are long gone but it would’ve been interesting to see a match between a couple of heels like the hated Iron Sheik and cruel clawmaster Baron von Raschke, born James Donald Raschke, October 17, 1940 in Omaha Nebraska.

Raschke, a University of Nebraska graduate, was trained by Gagne and Mad Dog Vachon after competing in the Big Eight Championships, and in the 1963 World Championships as a Greco-Roman wrestler.
The Iron Sheik, born Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri in Damghan, Iran, emigrated to the U.S. under duress after the Shah’s men killed a fellow wrestler. In Greco-Roman style, he won a championship at 180 pounds in the 1971 AAU Championships and was an assistant coach for the USA at the 1972 Munich games.

Just think of that matchup on the White House lawn, an irascible in-your-face Iranian versus a snarling mock German who marched around the ring like he’d just won World War 2. Couldn’t have been scripted better for times like these.

I’d like to think those two villains would’ve remained true to their craft by taunting Rumpt and his crowd, just like they taunted those frenetic wrestling fans in arenas from St. Paul to Duluth to Sioux City. I could see them teamed up and leaning over the top rope of the gleaming ring daring anyone to enter at their own risk. Rumpt likely would’ve snuck off and hid in a gold-infested bathroom until the two prowling thespians went away.

He’s a tough guy, you know. Tough enough to take on the Pope. That’s our president.

In the meantime, sitting like a stuffed animal with Pope Leo, Rubio danced away from any substantial commitment to actually give peace a try, danced away from honesty in front of an honest man. The Pope of all people could surely recognize a man who’d traded his soul for an insincere life. An American, Leo must be wringing his hands at the sight of so many Americans who’ve offered their loyalty to a flim flam man with the moral character of chewing gum.

So here we are in 2026.

Pope Leo, from Chicago, watches as indecent Americans work to undermine elections, making wiggly-waggly lines to pigeonhole people and their votes. Empathy shields him from such rampant social and political vulgarity. He reads the newspapers. He’s 70 years old. To a newspaper editor he’s my kind of guy. Maybe sit and have a cup of coffee. Maybe a cup of wine, his drink of choice rather than the sugary Fanta favored by a predecessor, Pope Benedict.

Rubio left the Vatican and immediately asked Italians for more help in a Middle East war not of their choosing. Peace-smeesh. The price of fuel in Italy is around $1.95 per litre (near $8 per gallon), $2.04 per litre for diesel. The war and much bad behavior has made the world subject to U.S. whims.
Meanwhile, the Pope urges peace and justice and awaits the arrival of a new Mercedes Electric G-Class Popemobile. No more oil changes for him.