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FBI Director James Comey may have single-handedly elected Donald Trump president in 2016 when, 10 days before the election, he announced finding more carelessly handled emails in Hillary Clinton’s personal server.

Some presidents might have felt they owed the FBI Director for the 3% shift in polls that swung from Clinton to Trump,  leading to his victory.

James Comey had no such luck. He also had to investigate allegations that the Russian government colluded with the Trump campaign after Don asked: “Russia, if you’re listening. I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing, I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.”

Trump claimed he fired Comey for mishandling the Clinton investigation but he was furious that Comey wouldn’t deny that the President was part of the FBI’s Russian probe. Trump fired Comey four months after taking office. Five weeks later the Senate Judiciary Committee began investigating Comey and the FBI.

Five years later, Attorney General Pam Bondi’s Justice Department took Comey to court for lying to the Senate. That was a few days before the Statute of Limitations ran out.

It’s been estimated that Comey has spent between 1 and 5 million dollars to defend himself.

But talk about “mishandling.” A judge threw out the case because Bondi unlawfully appointed prosecutor Lindsey Halligan, who was also unqualified to prosecute the case.

After the dismissal, Trump took the man who got him elected to court again. This time it was for threatening Donald Trump’s life.

While strolling along a sandy beach Comey noticed seashells spelling out “86 47.” He snapped a photo and posted it online.

Like his pals in the New York mob, Donald Trump knows “86” is gangland shorthand for killing someone. And like presidential scholars and the wannabe assassin who crashed the Correspondents dinner, Trump knows “47” is shorthand for the 47th president. Him!!!

Comey can expect to spend a few more million to defend himself for this heinous act. But I can’t help but feel some sympathy for Mr. Comey, so I’m going to take a stand.

I say, 86 Congressman Pete!

I can’t wait for the congressman to take me to court. I think I’ve got a pretty good defense. I’ll argue that 86 is a generic term used by restaurant wait staffs to kill food orders. It’s used in news rooms to kill stories like those embarrassing to Donald Trump. It’s used in bars to kill drink orders from outrageously intoxicated patrons. It’s used in the military to cancel missions.

I’ll ask my attorneys to point to the 1969 decision by the Supreme Court in Watts v. United States.

That’s the year I became eligible for the draft and Donald Trump got a deferment for a phony bone spur.
That year 18-year-old Robert Watts groused that if he got drafted, “the first man I want to get in my sights is LBJ.” “Gun sights.” Get it? Get it?

Mr. Watts didn’t even use sea shells and the Supreme Court still shrugged off his “threat” as “hyperbole.”

That’s a quality that the most powerful, brilliant, super-talented, sexiest, smartest, richest and most golden Jesus-like president the world has ever known should be able to appreciate. 

I campaigned door to door in 2024 and I told 1,000 people I wanted to be Donald Trump’s worst nightmare in northeastern Minnesota. It didn’t come to pass, but I got a lot of smiles from people who liked my moxie.

Two old fellows told me someone should shoot Trump.

I didn’t want to hear that because I knew they would never lift a finger to do such a thing, any more than

Robert Watts would have. I forgot their faces and addresses as fast as I could.

Only Donald Trump could get away with that, and he did. 

In 2016 Trump bragged that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and his voters would still vote for him. He got a big laugh from MAGA.

And Trump has proxies to pull his trigger fingers. His Immigration thugs ICED three Minnesotans when they invaded the state. Trump’s Justice Department defends his murderers. That hardly seems fair.

Like the anonymous beach artist who 86ed 47 with sea shells I’m a bit of a beachcomber myself. I started a shell collection as a kid and only stopped when I heard how divers were using cyanide to collect rare shells, much as Trump’s gold prospectors poison the Amazon with it to fill Fort Knox.

I’ve found a few fossil shells but mostly I collect agates on Lake Superior’s beaches. I polish them, too.
Comey’s photo and Trump’s lawsuit have fired my imagination. As you can see, I’ve just 86ed our congressman.

If I’m lucky, he will follow his prophet’s lead and take me to court for threatening his life. I could use the publicity.

Hell! It got Trump elected.

86 Harry at harrywelty@charter.com