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A one-holer and a well-used Sear's catalog.

An old friend (ah yes, there are such unfortunates) went rattling on the other day about this leading to that and then so on in predictable fashion. All figured out. Might not be to their or my liking, but outcomes are settled in advance. 

Gads, but I don’t miss the days when I thought I knew future’s stepping stones to go forward. Most of us know about this, often from having done it. 

Dabbling with the future is a questionable entertainment I’d more likely call a bad habit.  

An antidote I found for combatting future-itis is “then what?” 

Let’s say one’s better future says no mosquitoes. OK. Skeeters gone. Now what? What else will be eliminated as well? 

Sitting above it all might allow the idea of biting bug removal seem fine, but if accomplished a lot more than some bugs would go. A lot more. Freedom from insects has a price, but why labor on that dull topic?  Instead (I hope you’ll like this) I’ll suggest focus onto a new opportunity for improvement of the human model, forever inconvenienced by the messiness of personal waste disposal. 

Unneeded or excess liquid (in my opinion) a lesser worry than disposal of solids, really-really old examples of which (for those enjoying some semi-useless info) are called coprolites (a word difficult to work into most conversation and one definitely to be avoided over lunch). 

Some among us are especially vexed by the vagaries of gender, while in my (hopefully) humble view disposal of the regular (or ir, as the case might happen) turd is a universally human pre (or is it post) dicament. In any case a problem. 

But now, having waved over the liquid (and formerly reproductive) side of common existence isn’t it time we tidied up the solids?  I claim it is so. 

And also, I claim, a ready and acceptable and hopefully feces-feasible solution to bioengineer a packaging system suited to our common canals to accommodate a form of sausage maker. ‘Nother words, having defeated gender limits why not demolish the barriers of defecation to introduce a new era (New Era was once the name of a healthy [a surprise to many] brand of potato chip being made [not grown] in Chicago, once hog butcher and rail central to the U.S. entire) in people pooping progress, and high (or lowly) time, too. 

Conquest of the old-new area of our existence will come at some costs in (so t’ speak) retooling the bowel in more acceptable (even for the politest of societies) ways. Butt worth it when seen in perspective and with the huge added convenience of the colonic inner wrapper packaging human inner contents in close sealed packets. 

A simple twist or two and there it is, a worst wurst ready for sanitary disposal.  

Having in earlier days worked on the microwave toilet to reduce human dietary output to fertile powder, I was faced (in manner of speech) with the toilet tissue issue. What to do with the paper? 

Now, with scientific advancement having tackled the more difficult gender dilemma, reworking the bowel to produce suitable sausage casing seems clearly simpler than revising reproduction. Far simpler to pass discrete fecal items than swap one set of organs for another. Less fuss. Less odor. 

We might pull this one off with only producers of bathroom tissue left unhappy with the result. But think of the trees saved destruction in a horrible pulping, paper-producing fate.  

But really, and I suspect you’ll agree, this silliness has gone long enough. My proposed System for Advancing Defecation is sad and empty as its three main letters suggest. Plausibility doesn’t make a notion practical, wise or desirable. I’d suspect redesigning human waste plumbing would bring more negatives than not. ‘Nother words, SAD is a BAD idea. 

Yet, flawed as it is, a case can none-the-less be made for tackling the challenge for the good and future bowel freedom of all. Hooray! 

Time for a parade and a national day of recognition – squat equality for all.