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Among the best-selling items in Maga world are golden cufflinks, presidential pardons, 3D “MAGAnum” toy guns inspired by ICE raids and, it goes without saying, red caps. These items once paid the president’s legal bills along with outright donations but these days they are no longer needed. They are all pure pocket change for the Prez. Donald Trump’s legal bills are now covered by billionaires and the law firms that once took his Administration to Court. As the President has explained, extorsion is one more crime that is no longer enforced against our “First Citizen” since he was reelected to save America!

It is part of a world-wide movement to make sure democracy is no longer an obstacle to making sure that trains run on time. Ours are Amtrak. Hell, we’re scrappin ‘em.

But today, the hottest selling goodie added to the merch list was inspired by Amazon billionaire and owner of the Washington Post, Jeff Bezos. Jeff’s Trump conversion and $40 million payment to Melania Trump to make a movie of her coming to America to pose for nude centerfolds has inspired a new game.

The game is selling like hotcakes. Bezos has joined spaceship rival Elon Musk in Trump world. Musk is not making movies but he has incentivized Wisconsinites with a million-dollar lottery to get rid of state Supreme Court justices beholden to the US Constitution. The National Court has turned money into “free speech.” This allows billionaires to buy all the elections they can with the free speech their billions can buy. “One-person, one-vote?” Har, har!

The merch that is selling like hotcakes is the latest reincarnation of the Depression Era’s Monopoly. That old game has been repopulated in recent years by Peanuts, Disney and Simpson characters but none of these OPOLIES can match Maga’s new BROLIGOPOLY.

Everything about this game has been reimagined for Maga world. Hotels have become Trump towers. “Go” has become Go Go with a dancing Donald Trump on the end zone. The Utilities have all been sold to private Industry and the railroads have become airports serviced with TSA bomb sniffing dogs. Keep your shoes on there’s more.

Chance cards remain but the chances are new and include, Stiff your attorney, Stiff your contractor, Buy a governor, Demand a recount, Challenge a court ruling, Skip an audit, Hide your transcripts, Primary a RINO, Punch your 2^nd grade teacher and Win a Peace Prize.

As befits an oligopoly the Depression Era play money has been reimagined and pegged to the CPI. Bank dividends are no longer a paltry $50 but fifty million. When you advance to “GO” you collect 20 million. And when you are “elected chairman” you no longer pay each player $50, you’re out ten million.

These faux gold plaited games retail for $1000 a piece a bargain price. In the three short weeks its been available 120,000 have been ordered online. That’s a $120 million haul for Trump Inc. Think of how many European vacations Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas can plan on as he waits to rule on whether Donald Trump is immune from the Constitution. 

AND THE MONEY! Those of us who played Monopoly as kids remember the golden $500 bill. That was chump change just like the measly hundred-dollar Ben Franklins which are today’s highest denomination. Real millionaires lit their cigars with $500 bills which were last printed in 1945. In Teddy Roosevelt’s day the government printed 1, 5, and 10 thousand-dollar bills. In the years 1934-35 $100,000 gold certificates were printed with President Woodrow Wilson’s mug on them. Back then only a few were printed and they were controlled by banks but Trump Inc. has upped the ante.

Broligopoly has twenty of each denomination bill. They include Five-hundred grand “Tiffany’s”, 1 million dollar “Eric’s”, 2 million dollar “Ivanka’s”, (recently demoted from 5), 5 million dollar “Don Jr’s” and 10 million dollar “Barron’s”. All totaled each game will have $370 million in total value. This is not enough to make a real billionaire so risk takers are encouraged to buy three games to tip the balance and become, wink, wink, a “Bro.”

And also included are golden dice and newly cast playing pieces cast in 97% zinc from pennies that Donald Trump has stopped minting by executive order.

Also, by executive order, there is a tax deduction available to all taxpayers who buy Broligopoly. This deduction will be offered retroactively to all those who purchased Broligopoly in advance of that executive order. Also, by executive order Internal Revenue will be offering the games in place of tax refunds and Social Security will expedite phone questions about SS benefits and Medicare to callers who can produce sales receipts for the purchase of Maga merch in excess of $100.

And don’t forget. Trump Inc. sells steaks, the finest Chinese ties and University degrees.

Welty waves his middle finger at Brogliarchs at: www.lincolndemocrat.com.