Camp Shack Science Times-Journal-Herald-Chronicle-Dispatch

Forrest Johnson

Amazing Discovery Reported!

Researchers determine angel food cake fuel of the future

One day at the shack, Frankensledder Larry couldn’t finish his birthday cake since it disagrees with his hand-made constitution, which of course is only partly organic but mostly mechanical. The birthday candles, however, are a real treat and with glee he eats them like candy, still aflame.

Nobody really knows just when the two Frankensledders were built so we approximated his age at 104 years, just because we know he loves those little burning candles crowded across the top of the cake. The more the better.

It’s always an angel food cake which was reported to be his favorite, though no one ever remembers him ever saying so.

After songs and revelry, including a trumpet solo and the annual shooting of the flare gun, Frankensledder Mike then tossed his piece of angel food cake in the stove where it burned like the heart of the sun.

The small nuclear-like fusion reaction hasn’t stopped since.

Researchers from the Los Alamos Laboratory will soon arrive to begin studying the potential of angle food cake as a  replacement for conventional fossil fuels and fission nuclear power on the  world’s energy grid.

“No messy plutonium wastes or carbon and sulfur dioxides left over from this stuff,” said shack physicist  and shoe salesman Emil Kilowatt. “Perhaps you really can have your cake and eat it too.”
Amazing Discovery Reported!

Scientists to analyze self-cleaning carpet

After dropping an entire plate of spaghetti and meatballs on the shack floor, Nels Lombard scooped up the mess, leaving a large stain on the ancient carpet. After laughter died down, Nels performed several incantations over the sodden area under the waning moon.

The Shackmen didn’t really care about the stain since it actually fit in with the patterns of spilled drinks, cigar burns and other shack mishaps that have happened over the years.
In the morning it was noted that the stain was gone. Many tests were conducted, though unscientific, and it was revealed that first ever self-cleaning carpet lives at the shack.

Univ. of Vladivostok Paranormal Household Studies scientists descended on the shack to take samples back to Siberia where preliminary tests have shown that parallel universe exists in the carpet that resists incoming matter, much like the resistance seen between negative and positive electrical charges. One sample showed signs of black hole, exploding nova and globular clusters at edge of the known universe.

Update on cold fusion stove study

Several years ago, Camp Shack donated the old woodstove to the Up the Creek Boys Camp. The Up the Creek Boys then renovated the old stove which had been part of an ongoing Stove Deterioration Study, funded through the Leinenkugel Institute of Better Health through Drinking.

The Up the Creek Boys installed the stove in a workshop where it was expected to hold off the winter chill. Instead, stove had opposite effect, actually burning colder as more wood was added to the fire.
Instead of warming hands by the stove the Up the Creek Boys filled the stove with beer. Scientists from the Polar Institute in Chicken, Alaska have so far determined the stove has actually become a form of anti-matter, rejecting notions of metaphysics understood by the human mind.

“Or it may have always wanted to be a major appliance,” said one of the visiting researchers.
The Up the Creek Boys simply shrug their shoulders and keep the fires burning to keep their beer cold no matter the season.

“When we need ice, we just throw in more wood,” said Hiram the Lifeboat, senior fellow at the camp.