Rumpt passes the Standard A&M test with flying colors

Forrest Johnson

Editor’s note: What can I say? He keeps proving he’s one of the great assholes and morons of all time. Let the impeachment film roll.

Okay you Rumptsters out there. My significant other Susan has downgraded Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, to moron status. He is no longer a simple asshole in her judgement, but a moron.
I consider him to be both but that’s neither here nor there. My question, Rumpsters, is: how can you not see this man for what he is, a shyster, a shill, a vindictive shiny-shoed, big-haired faux billionaire who’s gone bankrupt multiple times, has admitted to groping women (and is facing allegations from at least twenty) and now has dismantled any and all civility in this already divided country?

He’s a climate denier, he’s a tweeting fool who takes on any and all comers with doublespeak and lies, he’s taken aim at the press and called them an enemy of the people. Gee, prez, you’ve gotten things a bit mixed up there. A man who spends his First Amendment rights on lies and vitriol sounds like the very antithesis of a man the Founding Fathers were worried about in a democracy.

Go back to your golf course and play another round, you boob.
People, he’s admitted that he groped women. Oh, wait, Doublespeak now says that it wasn’t his voice on the Access Hollywood video, even though there were more than a dozen folks on the set listening in and who now refute that latest bit of falsehood.
As I wrote before, my mother would wash my mouth out with soap if I spoke like Rumpt. Which leads me to a simple question: where’s Mrs. Rumpt in all this? What loving partner wouldn’t offer a little slap to the back of the head when someone is being a knucklehead for all of his waking hours?
People, he has admitted to strong-arming a foreign government into helping him get fake news on a rival candidate which is not legal according to election law.    
Hey, middle class working folks, he’s offered a tax cut plan that hands welfare not to the needy but to the rich and the corporations. As one letter writer in the New York Times recently penned, “Who knew that the super rich and corporations were in such desperate financial straights that their taxes had to be slashed so deeply? Donald Trump and the Republican Congress knew, and they have delivered on their promise: a welfare package for the wealthy and corporate America cleverly labeled ‘tax reform.’”

Yes, Rumpt’s EPA has given the green light to polluters and the fossil fuel industries and mining companies that propose schemes like the Pebble Mine in Alaska, great news for us Bristol Bay, Alaska commercial fishermen, and a hearty handshake to the speculators involved in the copper-nickel proposals here in northern Minnesota. Heck, let’s leap to the past as fast as we can with our energy policies and sell off all our natural resources and dig the coal and foul our watersheds and call it GREAT!

Hey, the EPA just announced that they’ll forget rules requiring mining companies to set aside funds for future Superfund cleanup costs from unexpected toxic releases long after mines close.
This is getting better all the time!
Cut funding for natural resource agencies and the energy department but certainly not the military, oh no. Let’s spend more money in that military employment and jobs program and keep us safe at the same time. Let’s drop our allies the Kurds like a hot potato and say it’s a great tactical move. 
I could go on all day pointing out the lies and the personal pats on the back when he let’s us know he might be the greatest president of all time.
Yes, Rumptsters, your gilded leader has certainly passed both the Standard Asshole and Moron Test as administered dutifully by the good folks at the National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA). And no, we didn’t administer the test simply because he’s the only person to ever have been banned from the organization, the only person ever to have had his personal bartender revoked. 

The man has no friends, he is friendless in terms most people understand when describing friendship. NUFA members must be friendly and he’s not. Some day you’ll understand that.
Someday, Rumptsters, you’ll also understand that he’s an asshole and a moron, too.