Rumpt passes Standard A&M test with flying colors - again

Forrest Johnson

Okay you Rumptsters out there. My significant other Susan has downgraded our leader Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, to moron status. He is no longer a simple asshole in her judgement, but a moron.

I consider him to be both but that’s neither here nor there. My question, Rumpsters, is: how can you not see this man for what he is, a shyster, a shill, a vindictive shiny-shoe, big-haired faux billionaire who’s gone bankrupt multiple times, has admitted to groping women (and is facing allegations from at least twenty) and now has dismantled any and all civility in this already divided country?

He’s a climate denier, he’s a tweeting fool who takes on any and all comers with doublespeak and lies, he’s taken aim at the press and called them an enemy of the people. Gee, prez, you’ve gotten things a bit mixed up there. A man who spends his First Amendment rights on lies and vitriol sounds like the exact replica of a man the Founding Fathers were worried about in a democracy.

Go back to your golf course and play another round, you boob.

People, the real Mueller Report, not the one paraphrased and brown-nosed by the Attorney General, exposes an amoral man with no regard for the rule of law. He is not a nice man and not fit to lead a country he really doesn’t give a hoot about. It’s all about him and his shady ways. That’s what the real Mueller Report exposes. I will lend you a pair of binoculars in case you can’t really see who he is. 

As I wrote before, my mother would wash my mouth out with soap if I spoke like Rumpt. Which leads me to a simple question: where’s Mrs. Rumpt in all this? What loving partner wouldn’t offer a little slap to the back of the head when someone is being a knucklehead for all of his waking hours?    

Hey, middle class working folks, he’s touted a tax cut plan that hands welfare not to the needy but to the rich and the corporations. As one letter writer in the New York Times recently penned, “Who knew that the super rich and corporations were in such desperate financial straights that their taxes had to be slashed so deeply? Donald Trump and the Republican Congress knew, and they have delivered on their promise: a welfare package for the wealthy and corporate America cleverly labeled ‘tax reform.’” How can you represent the working class when you’ve never worked?

Yes, Rumpt’s EPA has given the green light to polluters and the fossil fuel industries and mining companies that propose schemes like the Pebble Mine in Alaska, great news for us Bristol Bay, Alaska commercial fishermen, and a hearty handshake to the speculators involved in the copper-nickel proposals here in northern Minnesota. Heck, let’s leap to the past as fast as we can with our energy policies and sell off all our natural resources and dig the coal and foul our watersheds and call it GREAT!

Hey, the EPA just announced that they’ll forget rules requiring mining companies to set aside funds for future Superfund cleanup costs from unexpected toxic releases long after mines close.


This is getting better all the time!

Cut funding for natural resource agencies and the energy department but certainly not the military, oh no. Let’s spend more money in that military employment and jobs program and keep us safe at the same time. We’ve got to make sure that when we provoke a war with a two-bit dictator or an ayatollah that we make sure we have enough nukes, you know 3,000 nukes or so, to get the job done right. 


And let’s not forget all about hurricane-lashed Puerto Rico and make sure you tweet and tell those struggling fellow citizens that the rest of the country can’t go broke subsidizing the whole rebuilding effort for crying out loud. Yeah, those Puerto Ricans have to get busy and just start fixing things on their own, like the pioneers did in the old days when calamity hit. 


And to separate and lock up little kids from their asylum seeking parents and then detain them like prisoners in this freedom loving country of ours?


All I can say is that karma gonna get you, pal.

Yes, Rumptsters, your gilded leader has certainly passed both the Standard Asshole and Moron Test as administered dutifully by the good folks at the National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA). And no, we didn’t administer the test simply because he’s the only person to ever have been banned from the organization, the only person ever to have had his personal bartender revoked. 

The man has no friends, he is friendless in terms most people understand when describing friendship. NUFA members must be friendly and he’s not. Some day you’ll understand that.

Someday, Rumptsters, you’ll also understand that he’s an asshole and a moron, too.