NUFA Moron Alert issued for Southern Military Zone — Again

Forrest Johnson

The National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA) has just issued its latest Moron Alert of the Highest Order so batten down the hatches and get out the bourbon.

As usual, Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, has continued to show he’s the King of Boobs, the Knight of Numbskulls, and is enamored of shiny objects and royal decrees. Even though he shied away from military service he just loves things that can shoot and go boom as he has again declared that the Southern Military Zone will continue to be militarized for our protection. He didn't get to see that big parade in Washington this summer, you know, where soldiers and tanks and rockets were to be paraded past him on the Kremlin platform, so he wants to get a jump on things and order the troops paraded out of Washington and to the big battle brewing along our southern border. When we win, then he'll have that big parade.

Those dastardly rag-tag Central Americans continue to march up from Honduras and through Mexico to confront the mighty US of A and Payosa Loco is having none of that. He might even be there to confront the next unruly mob himself. Give the man a brightly sewn uniform befitting the King of the Morons, give him a sword, a sash and a cummerbund, epaulets on his shoulders, a chest of shiny faux medals and a hat like the kind Napolean would wear. Yes, give him a white steed, one full of mettle and ready for battle to ride before the troops. Give him a rallying cry to proclaim that he is the supreme leader of the land and that nobody from Central America or Mexico is going to push us around any longer! He needs no weapon.

He’ll dispatch the whole lot of them with his bare hands, just ask him yourself! Just make sure he’s kept busy after the battle so he doesn’t find himself wandering off into the night and getting into trouble in the cantinas and bordellos, chasing the porn stars and prostitutes and finding himself compromised for the next day’s fighting. There is a war to win, Payosa Loco, the women and song can come later after you’ve hunkered safely back down in Mar-a-Lago with the victory in hand and the enemy vanquished.

Yes, the Southern Military Zone is a long, desolate and harsh country and that rag-tag Central American and Mexican band of desperados has ill-will in their hearts. All of Latin America began their march long ago and have a single mission to infiltrate and sow discord in this great land of ours but Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, will beat them at their own game. He will sow discord until all Americans cry uncle and give him more shiny medals and a wall and a reality TV show the likes we’ve never seen and let him play golf every day of the week and eat hamburgers and fix his hair permanently in place so that a hat like Napolean would wear won’t muss it up even in the windiest and most desperate wind.

You want to sow discord you Central American and Mexican band of rag-tag desperados? Hah! You haven’t met Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown! He has nuclear buttons and an EPA that welcomes pollution! He has gone bankrupt more often than Central America has dictators! He has lied more times than Mexico has drug cartels! He thumbs a nose at climate change and gun control advocates! He’s not afraid of anything! He is our Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown!

This has been a National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA) Moron Alert. Please drink as much bourbon as necessary until Payosa Loco, the Crazy Clown, goes away for good. NUFA reminds all readers that morons and assholes don’t do anyone any good and it doesn’t do any good to argue with them. When you encounter someone like Payosa Loco walk away and continue your meditation. The sun will shine when the dark clouds part.