The Glass of Water

Paul Whyte

One of the most ancient beverages known to the human race is still quite common at most bars. It can be argued that while most people don’t need to drink cocktails everyday, few medical professionals will chastise a person for drinking several glasses of this drink on a regular basis. We’re talking about the glass of water. 

While severe alcoholics might face unpleasant or even life threatening withdrawals from not drinking alcohol, it is shown that everyone is basically addicted to water in some form or another. The affects of abstaining from water will certainly lead to negative health problems and eventually death in a relatively short period of time for most people.

Water is essentially the main ingredient in all cocktails and alcoholic beverages. Area distilleries such as Vikre in Duluth boast that water like the stuff that can be found in Lake Superior is the foundation of their products. Breweries such as Bent Paddle have even made statements of wanting to protect Lake Superior as it is one of the largest sources of above ground fresh water in the world. This beverage has even been the cause of major political decisions and backlash from those so addicted to water that they have held massive protests in the interest of keeping it clean. 

The demand for those dependent on water is so prevalent most municipalities have actually worked their infrastructure around it, making it widely available and inexpensive. In places like Flint, Michigan, the local government has decided to not enable its residents in their insatiable thirst for the drink. In rural areas, some are so desperate they actually drill into the ground to get it. In the case of artesian wells that can be found along the South Shore of Wisconsin, the beverage literally bubbles out of the ground. 

Featured Bartender: This week there is no featured bartender because the list of ingredients is fairly simple and many bartenders should be able to make it for you. Most will take what is called a “soda gun” and spray it into a glass. Sometimes the addition of ice, which is just frozen water, will be added. Some might add a slice of lemon, which can be requested. A straw is also a common accompaniment to the beverage. 

How is it?: Typically a glass of water should go down pretty smooth and shouldn’t have a distinct flavor of any kind. If you end up with a glass of water and it tastes like something, it’s a safe bet to stay away from that establishment in the future.

Perks and Drawbacks: For those on a budget, water is a great choice for going out. Most bartenders will gladly pour you the drink for free. For those looking for a good time, the glass of water will leave the moderate consumer feeling about the same. Some bartenders might suggest a glass or several glasses of water for those who have drank too many beverages containing alcohol to make the person have less of a “good” time. For people who are hungover, water is often a good go to beverage making it nearly as popular as drinks like Gatorade or a Bloody Mary for the day after a crazy night. Water is also commonly available at most food or drink establishments and has no age restrictions. 

Everyone is dependent on water whether they like it or not, and luckily it has few dangers. The affects of fluoride being added to it has been debatable on its safety. Studies have shown that fluoride might cause harm to the kidneys and calcify bones and the pineal gland. For those who abuse the consumption of water and drink gallons of it at a time, they may experience “water intoxication,” a condition known as hyponatremia where the kidneys can’t process the amount of water and it could lead to swelling or the brain, seizures, coma, and possibly death. 

Despite these possible hazards, in the end, when you’re not sure what drink you’d like to have, may we suggest a good old glass of water. 


Paul Whyte

A South Shore native and University of Wisconsin-Superior journalism graduate. Lifelong musician, and former open mic host. Passionate about the music scene and politics.

View more of Paul Whyte's work »