Payaso Loco and the Ministry of Truth

Forrest Johnson

We were glad to note upon our return from Mexico that a wall hadn’t been built behind us, stranding us in a country that offers a basic form of healthcare for all its citizens.

We so smart we don’t have that.

We were also glad to note that a wall hadn’t been built behind us, stranding us in a nation that has become the home of cartels and gangsters because we Americans demand the drugs.

We so smart we fight the failed War on Drugs instead of legalizing and managing drug issues in terms of health care, not crime.

We so smart we elect el Payaso Loco, the crazy clown. According to Arturo, our faithful taxi driver, Americans must have been drunk on tequila on election day and marked their ballots incorrectly. What else could explain it, he asked?

“What have we done?” he asked as we raced around town. “What has our country done to deserve such disrespect? A wall? That’s crazy, loco.”

We tried to assure Arturo that most Americans didn’t vote for Payaso Loco, that he came in second, has no mandate. Try to explain the arcane notions of the Electoral College to a sharp bilingual taxi driver. Try to explain to an American the provision of the Constitution that dates back to the early days of the republic when the northerners were trying to find ways to get the southerners to agree to a union of states so they allowed slaves to be counted as three-fifths of a person in order to bolster population and representation, even though slaves were still non-citizens. Apparently native Americans weren’t property so they didn’t get a seat at that empty table. They were nothing other than an obstacle to the Founders.

As we motored past the abandoned bull ring I thought about trying to explain to Arturo the other aspect of the Electoral College, that of its role separate from the people of the land. A role as a firewall against the will of the voters to elect dumbbells or dictators as seen in the eyes of the Founders. Yes, at some point in our young days as a nation the Founding Fathers weren’t quite ready to trust the people to make smart choices that early in the democratic experiment.

We so smart we get Payaso Loco, the Crazy Clown of “alternate facts.”

So now that we’re back home we get the deluge of news that we ignored for more than a week.

Payaso Loco signs executive orders pulling out of trade agreements, building the wall and abandoning the Affordable Care Act, among others. He puts gag orders on scientists working on climate science and orders the EPA to freeze all grants and contracts.

Sounds like Putin is in town.

Payaso Loco signs an immigration order to appease all the chickenshits who are worried about the Boogeyman coming to our towns. Man, we have a lot of chickenshits in this country, fully-armed, no doubt, but scared of their own shadow because there might be a terrorist sneaking up behind. What a way to live. In perpetual worry and anxiety just like any terrorist could hope for.

Never mind that refugees and immigrants face extensive vetting now, up to 20 screening and security checks that could take up to two years to process. Still, chickenshits like walls surrounding a free country, like a giant gated community. Still, chickenshits are worried and Payaso Loco likes it that way, fear and loathing works well to control the willing masses.

As Payaso Loco has said about all us little people of the land, “I play to people’s fantasies. People may not always think big themselves, but they can still get very excited by people who do. That’s why a little hyperbole never hurts... I call it truthful hyperbole. It’s an innocent form of exaggeration — and a very effective form of promotion.”

Bare to the bone, a lie is a lie is a lie. Lies are not innocent.

Hey, just like the millions of illegal immigrants who cast ballots to deny him the popular vote.

Another lie among hundreds, thousands, a lifetime. Payaso Loco cares not.

Alternative facts or truthful hyperbole, Orwellian all the way. Playing on our incessant screens direct from the Ministry of Truth. Tell a lie enough times and people believe the lie is truth.

Hey, it’s Big Brother! No man, he’s the President!