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I don’t hate anyone, and that includes men.  Recently, my daughter called me a “feminist” like it was a dirty word.  I asked her first, do you know what a feminist is?  She didn’t have a clear idea so I googled it for her and read from Wikipedia, “Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, defending and the intention of establishing a state of equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist advocates or supports the rights and equality of women.”  Secondly, I asked her, what’s wrong with that?
I went on to add that if it weren’t for feminists, we wouldn’t have closed the gap a little on equal pay.  Your husband could rape you or beat you and the police say, “It’s a family matter.” How about the vote!?  It just means we are equal as human beings...not the same, but equal.  God knows, we are not the same.  Wouldn’t want us to be either.
It disturbs me that she would think that I hate anyone.  Geez, have you ever seen one of my collages?  It’s all “we are one” and universally loving.  The relationship collages show happy couples, laughing, snuggling, and walking on a beautiful trail and speak of trust, compassion, and forgiveness.  There is no man-hating anything.
Later that morning, I was having a discussion with her dad about the upcoming graduation party.  He didn’t think invitations were necessary and I did.  He thought having the party over the 4th of July weekend (THIS weekend!) and making a few calls would do the trick.  I explained that people have already made their holiday weekend plans and nobody would be able to make it.  In the background, my daughter is saying, “Stop fighting!” but we were just talking?!  When I got off the phone I asked her what makes her think we’re fighting when we were just discussing her party?  She said, “It’s just your tone.”  OK...then I muttered as I walked away, “Try to explain invitations to a man...” and it HIT me!  That’s where she gets the idea.  I make comments like that all the time.  Not about her dad, but men in general.  Once, I said, “Women do things you can’t understand and men will do stupid things they know will get them in trouble and just suffer the consequences,” in front of her boyfriend and after three years, suddenly I’m the devil.
Here’s the thing though, I prefer working with men.  For the most part, I have worked only with men for over 20 years.  Have you ever worked in an office full of women?!  It’s a nightmare!  Non-stop pettiness and non-essential details forced into your ears and brain that make you want to shout, “Who gives a fuck!?”  Who brought what to the family reunion, who had too much to drink, who’s thinks their shit don’t stink, who slighted who.  It’s endless.  With men, it’s “Hey Corey, how’s it going?”  “Good!”  “Great, see you later!”
Maybe my little mutterings have made women out to be the wise, the strong, the silent power, and men to be entitled, weak, and in what I like to refer to as the walking around in the “Me Bubble.”  The Me Bubble is situated above the heads of most men that have a running, “How is this good for me?  How will this benefit me?    Who can I get to bring me food?  Sex.  Beer.  That sounds like effort, no, who can do this for me?  How can I make this the easiest for me no matter how hard it makes it for someone else?  Who can do my bidding?  Where is that food?  I’m out of underwear, how does that happen?  HONEY!”  You get the idea.  
It really made me stop and think, because being a man-hating feminist is not the impression I would like to leave on my daughter.  I tell her all good news, including good things that men do.  The scales would indicate a dramatic difference in the tales I tell of women doing extraordinary things but I am only trying to empower her with, “See!  If she could do it, so can you!”  Perhaps I’m relentless in empowering her and all women, that somehow I’ve made it out that men have their place in life which is terrible, because isn’t that what women have tried and succeeded so hard to get out of what was determined as their place?  A woman’s place is....you can fill in the blank, because now it’s everywhere.
I’ve turned the tables too far, but I’m trying to put it somewhere back in the middle.  I will be more conscious of the comments I make about the male gender, it’s just so hard and available!  As someone who constantly thinks in terms of “how can this be a joke?” it’s never-ending material, but maybe too easy at this point.  I will try and expand my repertoire.  Honestly, I didn’t think anyone was taking me seriously, I am not a serious person.  
I should have been more careful with what I said around my daughter instead of always shooting for the laugh.  It’s a sickness, really, since I can’t seem to stop myself in just about any situation from cracking jokes.  Still the class clown after all these years but I didn’t mean to leave a negative impression, only a funny one.  A lighter way to look at what’s here, what’s real, and what women have overcome.  But I want to make it clear one more time, I do not hate men, I love men, and that’s why I choose to work with them.  Men are funny, they smell good, and look good in their construction boots and flannel.  Some will even change your oil and fill up your gas tank, just to be a gentleman.  I know this!  My cracks are only stereo-typical and casting a wide net over the gender.  I promise say more good things in the future as to not leave this damning impression on the most important person to me in the whole world, my lovely daughter, who’s first relationship has outlasted every single one of mine.

“Tricia Waltman is a the creator and owner of Vision Art Designs, an inspirational collage artist, and has written for The Reader since 2011.”