Gov. Dayton Says It’s Easy to Score Weed

Paul Whyte

Gov. Mark Dayton has dismissed the idea of legalizing marijuana for medical or other reasons. The governor described the penalties of marijuana as a traffic ticket and that the mother of a two-year-old boy with intractable epilepsy should either buy marijuana on the streets or travel to a state where it is legal and bring it back. While marijuana is illegal for medical and recreational purposes, it is reportedly very easy for anyone to get ahold of the substance, whether it be a small child who has cancer or an elderly person with glaucoma.
The Northland Enquirer investigated to see how easy it was to get marijuana and whether people in legitimate need of it could get it safely. We first infiltrated a Trampled by Turtles concert to gain some connections. While out back in the van of a man who calls himself Dreadlock Joe, we found what we were looking for. After a discussion with Dreadlock, we learned that he indeed provided marijuana to people who had physical conditions. “Yeah, at festivals, sometimes there’s roadies who have been loading gear for a long time, and they have back and knee problems. I’ve hooked a few of them up,” said Dreadlock.
While we did find a marijuana dealer who has helped people with physical problems, we felt that his clientele was rather limited. We took to the streets and started asking around whether anyone knew where to score some “dank buds.” Most people we talked to didn’t seem to know or were leery of our inquiries, but we finally found someone willing to help us out. They gave us a number to an experienced dealer known as “D.” We called up D and asked if he would mind if we came over because we were wondering if we left our “green sweater” at his place. He agreed and we went over. “Who the f*** are you?” asked D when he opened the door. We explained we were just looking for some “kush.” He let us in and then we were slammed face first into the wall, and D lifted up our shirt and frisked us down. “You sure you’re not with the cops?” asked D. Once we assured him we weren’t working with the police, he finally shoved us onto a sofa and took out a large ziplock bag of marijuana and a scale and set it on a table. “How much do you want?” asked D. We asked him how much he’d recommend for someone with thyroid cancer. “What the hell are you talking about, fool?” asked D. We’ll “take whatever a ‘zone’ is,” we replied. He put what is apparently an ounce into a plastic bag and told us it would cost $400. We told him we only had $100 and then D seemed to become agitated and told us to “get the f*** out” and if he saw us around again he would cut off our genitals and feed them to us and then slit our throats and dump us in the lake.
After some more work, the Northland Inquirer found a 73-year-old woman who calls herself Dorris who has suffered from arthritis for over 15 years and has treated her pain with illegal medical marijuana. “It was awkward when I found out that my grandson, Jimmy, smoked marijuana. I caught him smoking out in the driveway and I could tell he was worried. When I talked to him about it, I ended up asking if he could get some for me and my arthritis. He was hesitant, but it turns out that he sold pot and he’d come by every Thursday and sell me a bag,” said Dorris. Dorris has been cut off from a consistent supply ever since her grandson was arrested and began serving a year in jail for sale of a controlled substance. “He had just drove me down to the airport because I was going to visit his mother out in Utah, and on the way back the police pulled him over. He declined a search, but then they brought in their dog and they found his scale and a little weed that was left over from what we smoked earlier. The DA issued a warrant on his place and they found a pound of it, and he’s been gone ever since. He called me out in Utah and I had to tell his mother what had been going on. She hasn’t been the same towards me ever since,” said Dorris. “Sometimes I’ll call one of Jimmy’s friends, but they’re rude and I don’t want them in my house. They’re not the gentleman Jimmy is.”
While it seems that there is indeed a market for marijuana, we failed to find a reliable connection in our investigation. We’re not sure where Dayton gets his weed, but he apparently has better connections. We did find several good sources for methamphetamine and ecstasy. Keep an eye out for our next investigation, where we’ll try to find heroin.