News & Articles

You Are Garbage

You are boring,
You are average,
You’re a pile of crap!
There’s 74.3 million
children in the world
and most of them are saps.

The poor ones
have no education
or plausible reason to live.
The ones like you
are selfish twats
without two fucks to give.

You’re not the worst,
but not the best.
You’re just kinda plain.
Even though your mom
says you’re special,
it’s a preposterous claim.

Don’t feel bad,
it’s not your fault
that you are so subpar.
The world needs more
administrative assistants
and hose monkeys to wash
their cars.

If your mom had
been less supportive,
and taught you how to work,
Maybe your adult life
wouldn’t be so disappointing
and you wouldn’t be an
entitled jerk.

Stop Trusting Your
Overindulgent Parents

“I want an Xbox! I want
an iPod!I want a phone and
a PS4!” Little Johnny wants
lots of things, and he’s alway
wanting more.

His parents bought him
everything, all for which
 he begged and pled.
The other children hated
Johnny so much,
that they beat him until
 he was dead.

Most of You Are Going
to Die of Starvation

The economy sucks!
There are no jobs,
and things are getting worse.

Machines are cheaper
and faster than people.
Being human is a curse.

Fellow children are
your competitors!
They are the enemy!

If you want a job,
a house and a car,
murder them in their sleep!

You Shouldn’t Have
Been Born

Weed, beer and special k!
Heroin, cocaine and smack!
This is what your parents did
before your birth put a stop
to that.

Now they’re sad and broken
people who only have friends
through Twitter.
It’s no surprise after all these
years that your existence
makes them bitter.

Try Not To Suicide
Until After High School

Nobody likes pretty kids,
they’re not any fun.
Ugly kids are interesting.
Pretty kids are dumb.

Ugly kids have to struggle
for everything they earn.
Pretty kids are handed things
and never really learn.

Ugly kids find themselves.
Pretty kids are always lost.
Ugly kids develop
personalities,
while the pretty kids get
sauced.

After they graduate from
school, only ugly kids are
 worth adoring,
because “ugly” is just a word
and pretty kids are boring.