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Back when I was in about 8th grade a book came out called “reviving Ophelia” by Mary Phipher.  In short the book was a study on the social decline of the image of a female and lack of maturity in adolescent girls to break away from the mold. I remember the book well because my mother made it her bible. My mom was certain the book was a case study on me and I admit I played the role well. Like a lot of young girls I did my fair share of experimenting with adulthood, and definitely a little too much too early. She wanted to save me from myself before I did anything that I would live to regret. Did I take her seriously? Of course not. I was a kid, I was a brat and I fought her tooth and nail at every road block I threw in our way. I see now, I was exactly the Ophelia Ms. Pipher was referring to. A gregarious extroverted rug-rat who swiftly transitioned into a moody, crazy, desperate to keep up, teenager. But I knew no matter what, my mom was always watching me so I also knew I could and would get caught, which kept me from I believe from anything too life altering. The reality is that adolescence is very rough for girls. I have my own daughter in this very stage and now I find myself thinking back to the days of Ophelia and looking back at my mom’s copy and the highlighted passages and praying I can see her through this myself.
I take my mom role incredibly seriously and I pay a lot of attention. I know my girl’s friends, I spend a lot of time listening and even more observing. The result of my observations is this: girls are in trouble. They are in major trouble and I blame society entirely.  We don’t live in a world where girls are treasured or protected. We live in a reality where Hannah Montana simulates masturbation and pops ecstasy on stage. We live in a reality where sex is like first base and one partner is lame. Teen moms are idolized and nudity is the norm. Girls are subjected to sexuality everywhere. Music, movies, print- it’s all sex and the women are on the forefront and they are putting themselves there. And why wouldn’t they? The more overtly sexual a young girl is, the more popular we make her. She’s idolized at that point. Splashed across media and her name on the tips of everyone’s tongues. Did we think our daughter’s didn’t take notice to this? Well they did, and what girl doesn’t want attention?
One of the reasons I have a facebook  is I like to see what my kid’s friends are doing. It is no longer typical to see a fresh faced school photo anywhere other than in an 8x10 on their parents living room wall. These are certainly not instagram or facebook worthy in the eyes of a twelve/thirteen year old girl. And you want to know why? Because she won’t get noticed for that. If an adolescent girl is screaming for attention as they all are, and their brains aren’t mature enough to know the effects of negative attention, they are going to post something sexy or disturbing. I have to believe a lot of the parents have no clue what is actually going on in her daughter’s life. Yet I have to ask- are girls this young really so good at being covert?  Can a thirteen year old really live a double life? The one her parents know about- and the one she portrays to her peers? Yes, she can and you have no idea how they do.
It breaks my heart. I look at these girls and I want to scoop them all up, wash their faces and take away their phones and computers and wash this false image they carry of what they should be like right out of their minds.. I want them to stop worrying about getting attention and focus on becoming successful women when the time is right. The goal is to fit in no matter the cost. Of course trying to gain acceptance and even superiority among ones peers is certainly not new but the depths adolescents are going to in attempt to achieve this, is new. Girls are desperate to be in your face and sexy and desperate to be the most shocking one yet. I have to wonder how many parents know how “popular” cutting is in middle school? I’m not joking. Many girls are self admitted cutters. It’s widely talked about and known amongst the students, and completely unknown to parents. They are literally taking  a razor and cutting into their skin. They do it because they are sad, or don’t feel like they are good enough. They do it to get attention and they do it because theirs friends are doing it. It’s a sad day when our little princesses bleed by their own hands and we aren’t doing anything to stop them. Even sadder when we don’t even know we need to stop them.
I admitted I spend a lot of time with my daughter and her peers. One of my friends recently accused me of trying to be the “cool mom.” But she had it all wrong. I don’t give a shit about being the cool mom, but so help me god I don’t want to be the dumb mom. I don’t ever want to not know what is going on. To me, that would put my daughter’s life at risk. It may be a bumpy ride but she is not going to go through any growing up without me right here as close as I can be whether she likes it or not. Do I have the answers to save young girls from themselves? Absolutely not. I just make sure at home she is surrounded by positives and that she always knows that right here in our little family she is by far the coolest chick we know. Most important she knows 100% I am watching, all of the time.