Camp Shack Mining and Mineral Development Company seeking investors, just like Polymet

Forrest Johnson

With Polymet seeking permitting for its copper-nickel operation near Hoyt Lakes, the folks at Camp Shack figured it was time to get our operation back on track and in the news.
Camp Shack is seeking investors for an ambitious project that will eventually unearth and expose some of the finest and most useful minerals available on this or any other planet. We’re telling you honestly, you can’t live without our very special minerals and we aim to get them just for you and your families.
The Camp Shack Mining and Minerals Development Company is a subsidiary of Camp Shack Services and the Hemsdale Leisure Corporation, a wholly American-based conglomerate that finances through the finest offshore holding institutions, receiving bundles of unmarked bills in locally made Duluth Packs delivered on time and with an unwitting smile by the US Postal Service.
Known as the company of “Gentle Miners”, Camp Shack has developed the world’s first genetically modified blasting techniques (GMBs), engineered for quiet and a lack of pandemonium. When we mine there is no noise, disorder, uproar, anarchy, riot or confusion. And the jobs, well, we create oodles of jobs in every way shape and form. Jobs, jobs, jobs. You want a job, you come to us first. And the jobs last for a lot longer than you think. When we’re done at a mining site we keep everybody on board to cloak and conceal even the slightest of messes so there are no complaints whatsoever. We don’t like complaints. Our investors don’t like complaints.
Camp Shack is also the first mining company to dab a toe into the most modern techniques of selective mining. Don’t hire those big foreign companies that blast holes and leave behind open pits, troublesome underground shafts and acidic watersheds. When absolutely necessary we practice selective mining with pick and shovel to massage those minerals from the soil in a holistic and conciliatory fashion.     
At this time we’re being a little coy about the value of the aforementioned minerals simply because we’re still seeking investors for long term investments--real long, a week, a month, maybe even more. All we can say at this point is that we’ve discovered some pretty valuable minerals that are used for a whole lot of things and you need them.  
We’re also finding it appropriate to not divulge exactly what minerals we’re seeking since the whole issue is a little delicate right now, what with landowners up in arms over state mineral leases and sulfide mining in the news. We’re just being honest with you and honesty is the best policy, even when obfuscation is a large part of any business plan when it comes to the extraction of natural resources across large tracts of environmentally sensitive land. We won’t confirm nor deny the presence of sulfide mining in our plans but we do believe we have a market for minerals trapped in the earth ages ago by geologic forces. We feel it is our duty to free those minerals to benefit America and all mankind. You know full well if we don’t mine it here somebody else will.  
We won’t harm your environment. We’ll tiptoe in and mine without even waking the baby. In extremely sensitive environments we hermetically seal off the mining area and capture all harmful and noxious compounds and gases and sell them on the open market, another of our patented financial engineering discoveries that we can offer to our investors and the communities they control. All rail and truck traffic is done as inauspiciously as possible. We mine and transport while you sleep. You won’t even know we’re out there toiling away in relative obscurity beneath your surface rights. Our environmental control program with its countless levers, dials and switches keeps the environment in its place throughout the process. We do our own Environmental Impact Statements (EIS) so we make sure the environment doesn’t get in the way of progress.  
 Our financial department has also been able to level the ups and downs of the mining business by creating numerous fiscal devices that bring revenue to where it belongs—your pocket.
We’re not just a mining company, we’re a conglomerate.
Camp Shack University, a private-for profit institution of higher learning and earning, has programs for the up and coming miner interested in a life of labor in our mines. Our gentle and persuasive mining and mining ideology program has prepared legions of miners to tread lightly, mine mindfully and not complain. We don’t like complaints. All books and supplies and foods are purchased directly through our company store, further keeping things simple for both students and investors watchful of their dollars. Our mining students are schooled in the latest methodology that keeps their minds off union labor and thankful that they have a job. Our Camp Shack Witch Doctor curriculum has been very popular and profitable and all of our mining properties are staffed by our lightly trained health care graduates.
As an added bonus, all investors are provided coverage through our Reputation Reconstruction Services program for supplemental peace of mind. The coverage lasts in perpetuity or as long as pollution leaks from the operation.
Now is the time to join our Camp Shack Mining and Minerals team as we move toward excavating and investing in some pretty valuable minerals that may or may not be entombed in sulfide bearing rock. Don’t wait for Polymet and all their putzing around, we’re ready to go at a moment’s notice!