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There have been quite a few times I’ve been out on a date and asked the question “What is your dream?”  Very often, I get a blank stare, and that’s when the needle rips the record in my head and heart.  One in particular was deemed “Mr. No Dreams” because when I asked him, he gave me a “What?! I don’t have dreams!  You work, you retire, you die.” 

He did seem to enjoy his job, but to think a dream ridiculous? “Mr. No Dreams” had also run into a girl friend of his where we were shooting darts (SORRY, I can’t help but win, even though I am positive it has cost me many a second date) and she started speaking ill of a mutual friend of theirs, so I dismissed her completely.  I try not to make friends with self-righteous bitches.
 
It’s perfectly fine to have a job, to have a job that you enjoy, but to aspire to nothing?  I’d rather date a guy with less who has zest and passions in life.  It could be about rocks if that’s what floats your boat and gets you excited.  (No offense to geologists, of course.)  Maybe this explains the stream of musicians in my past, but the dream question is recent.
 
Ever since I found out that WE, yes WE, are co-creators of our lives, I feel very strongly that we should be pursuing something meaningful.  You don’t know what that is—I can tell from your crinkled brow and palms up in the air.  I didn’t either, but when I began to read book after book about positive thinking, taking action, creating true prosperity, taking risks, and simply going for it, it unfolded itself.  One big clue area is your childhood.  What did you do that brought you joy?  That you could do for hours and hours and even forget to eat?  When I had a chance to pursue my dream at home full-time (O blessed days!), I figured out to buy foods that I could eat with one hand so that I could continue to work.  That’s joy.
 
The guys I’ve dated with expensive things and impressive jobs far outweigh the struggling artist.  Notice that is past tense.  Now, I have to see a drive, a sparkle in your eyes, and a PASSION for something that adds to this world in a positive way.  It could literally be anything, but it better be something or I’ll hear that ripping record sound again and it’s bye-bye.
 
Now I’ve gone and made myself virtually impossible to date.  The last few guys I met for coffee asked me if I needed new material for this column.  No.  Then I’m tall, 5’10”, and have a strict aversion to dating anyone shorter than me—my problem, not theirs, and since only 10 percent of the male population is over 6’ tall, that narrows down my field even more.  Inside of that 10 percent, there are human being standards as well.  I quite envy the tall girl with the shorter boyfriend who doesn’t seem to mind at all.  I just feel like a moose. I want to look up, not down. 
 
On top of all that, now I have to have someone with a dream?  YES, absolutely, because if they don’t have a dream, they won’t understand mine and will more than likely get in the way of mine. Not happening.

 Now I know what Erma Bombeck meant by “Dreams only have one owner at a time, that’s why dreamers are lonely.”  So far we have the dating column, height, standards, and the dream factor getting in my way of a relationship.  The dream factor might be the worst roadblock, because while reading “The Outliers” I learned that only 1 in 10,000 keeps pursuing a dream after failure, and you need roughly 10,000 hours of your passion to be a successful expert, e.g. The Beatles playing in dive bars for 10,000 hours before hitting it big.  That is quite a wallop of must-haves.  What’s a girl to do?  It’s a good thing I enjoy my own company.
 
I can’t be the only one, guys, so if you have a dream, PLEEEEASE share it on your next date. It might be the tipping point for the lady you are trying to woo. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women who would rather have the solid job and nice house, so you can rest easy, Safe Man.  As for me, and plenty of others, get that gumption out, remember what brings you joy, and do it!  THAT is attractive, not your jet ski or special edition F150.  What if both could exist?  You have a dream, you are going for it, and you have all the material goods?  Well, that’s just a bonus.

Dear Trish,
My job as a vendor takes me from business to business Monday through Friday.  A lot of times, I run into the same people, and at one stop, a very attractive lady.  Would it be tacky to ask her out for dinner?
Route Romancer,
Duluth, MN

Dear Romancer,
It might be a little tacky, but not if you go this route. (Get it? Route!)  Make sure you are groomed properly on the day you plan on asking.  If at all possible, make sure you have a moment of privacy.  She’ll be flattered to be asked. Let her know you know that it’s sort of out of line by prefacing with “I know this is a little inappropriate, but I’d really like to take you to dinner and get to know you better.  What do you say?”  Write back and let me know how it goes!