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According to the Bible, God created the elephant, the camel, and the donkey, but when examined closely, they do look like they were the results of a conference committee between the U.S. Senate and the House instead of a supreme being. I think it is fascinating that these three animals have come to represent political and economic philosophies. The elephant represents the ponderous, plodding movement of the Republican Party in trying to hang on to the status quo and cash. The donkey represents the Democratic Party constantly braying in loud hee-haws to alert the public to some ever-present danger, and that rapid change—economic, environmental, or whatever—is essential. The camel? That’s the one the Republicans are always trying to load up with cash so it can’t squeeze through the eye of a needle.

The August issue of Harper’s Magazine has a fascinating article called “The Homeless Herd” that describes how elephant herds destroy the crops of Indian farmers in the state of Assam. These elephants demonstrate some of the same characteristics House Republicans display today. How an elephant became the symbol of the GOP is a side story the reader might enjoy. Something about an ass—the Democratic donkey—that put on a lion’s skin and scared all the animals in the forest, including elephants—in 1874. Well, I think it’s funny.

Elephants are terrific swimmers, using trunks as air snorkels while paddling about with  bodies submerged for many hours and miles. In 1856 an elephant fell off a ship in an Atlantic storm over 30 miles from a South Carolina shore but came swimming ashore days later. In 1879 a herd of 79 crossed a river in Bangladesh, all swimming for six hours without touching bottom.
   The battle between rice farmers and elephant herds is a matter of survival for each in the Indian flood plains of huge rivers. Islands dot the flood plains, many large enough to have thousands of acres of rice planted in the very rich soil. A herd of 70 elephants led by a very smart matriarch who remembers where all the good farms are swims great distances to raid island after island planted with rice and other crops. The elephants just love rice beer fermented by the farmers. It is almost an allegory about Republicans and their winner-take-all, present-day vulture capitalism.

The Fat Camel And Today’s
“Christian” Reverence For
Vulture Capitalism

Most right-wing Christian fundamentalists vote for anyone representing marauding Republican elephants and vulture capitalism, completely disregarding the economic lessons preached by their leader Jesus Christ. What could be more clear than Jesus in the Gospel of Mark when he tells the rich man, “Go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven.” (The $100 billion Walton family as an example?) In Matthew 19:24, Jesus says, “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Notice that word “again”?

Sean McElwee of Alternet in his article “5 Biblical Concepts Fundamentalists Just Don’t Understand” writes that the story of Lazarus should terrify modern-day fundamentalists who vote for vulture capitalism. Luke 19:26 tells the story: “Lazarus is a beggar who waits outside of a rich man’s house and begs for scraps. When both Lazarus and the rich man die, Lazarus ends up in heaven, while the rich man ends up in hell. When the rich man begs for water, Abraham says, ‘Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.’” There’s a good Christian lesson in that verse.


Vulture Capitalism In
North Dakota

I see a report by Ceres, an organization that studies economic waste and environmental damage, has estimated that North Dakota oil producers flare off $3.6 million worth of natural gas every 24 hours. Andrew Logan of Ceres states, “What we’re worried about here is the industry seems to be focused on the quick buck.” Gee, whoda thunk it? It may have taken millions of years for that oil to form under the Bakken, but our huge herd of Republican elephants in the North Dakota Legislature seems to be trying to make many rich in just a generation—and to hell with future North Dakotan generations. Logan sums it up in a paragraph in The Forum: “The value of the Bakken natural gas is not fully appreciated. It’s not that companies will lose money by capturing the natural gas, but they would make less money in the short term than if they put all that money into oil production.” (Why is everything “short term” these days? Don’t we have “long term” investors anymore? Doesn’t $150,000 an hour going up in smoke and carbon impress anybody in the state? Aren’t the camels fat enough?)

I see Justin Kringstad, the director of the ND Pipeline Authority, says, “The industry realizes the value of that gas. Everyone wants to monetize the value in that gas as quickly as we can.”  You betcha. The oil companies want to drain the oil out of Bakken as quickly as possible and then drive their fat camels out of town to the next “find.”

What Makes A Man Like
Ingvar Feodor Kamprad
Ignore The Braying Of
Donkeys And Concentrate
Exclusively on Fattening
Camels?

A Star Tribune headline trumpeting the fact “IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad (at age 87!) Moving Back to Sweden” caught my eye. Minnesota Elephant-Republicans were using this move by one of the world’s richest men to make the point that businessmen move to tax havens to fatten herds of camels. The inscrutable, enigmatic, mysterious Kamprad has lived in the “tax haven” of Switzerland for forty years, according to Donkey haters, so he wouldn’t have to pay steep taxes in Sweden. Minnesota Elephant-Republicans are always accusing the Donkey-Daytons of forcing businesses to leave Minnesota because of high taxes. They are trying to use Kamprad to scare Donkey-Democrats into believing that the 19 Fortune 500 companies based in Minnesota will move to South and North Dakota where there are none. But quality of life represented by education, music, art, and theater instead of fat camels makes a real difference with some people.

All that aside, Kamprad would make a fascinating psychopathic study about the effects of wealth on character and relationships. He was a poor Swedish farm boy who at an early age sold individual matches to neighbors, gradually moving to the sale of fish, Christmas tree decorations, seeds, pens, and pencils. Kamprad ended up being one of the richest men in the world at a total of $53 billion by developing the IKEA company that made its money selling well-designed furniture around the world. He is moving back to Sweden to spend more time with family and friends—at age 87! If he were so interested in friends and family in Sweden, why didn’t he sacrifice a few bucks in taxes and keep his home and company in Sweden? Why did he spend over forty years in Switzerland? This guy is a “case”!

Ingvar Could Have Used
A Battalion Of Psychologists
Throughout His Life Abroad

This guy could have used an entire battalion of psychologists and researchers to straighten out his life. Although he has two older brothers who served him well in executive positions in IKEA, Ingvar is the sole owner of worldwide IKEA. Although he says his two brothers gave him invaluable service for many years, he never agreed to share the ownership of the firm. That’s HIS $53 billion. Although he paid his brothers a good salary, he didn’t share the huge profits of the company with them.
   I Googled many possible sources but could never connect Ingvar to any religion. Can you be a farm boy in Sweden and yet never be exposed to even a scrap of Lutheranism?
Ingvar has just about as much money as God and owns a beautiful home in Switzerland, a very large country estate in Sweden, and a vineyard in France, but he lives frugally. This calls for more case studies of the rich but relatively unknown. Kamprad drives a 1993 Volvo (a good Swedish car), always flies economy class (does not own or lease a private jet), and insists that IKEA employees use both sides of a piece of paper. When he eats in a restaurant he often pockets extra salt and pepper packets. He buys Christmas presents in after-Christmas sales and saves them for a year. He often eats in IKEA factory cafeterias to save a buck. He expressed his social philosophy in the article “Testament of a Furniture Dealer”: “It is not only for cost reasons that we avoid the luxury hotels. We don’t need flashy cars, impressive titles, uniforms or other status symbols. We rely on our strength and our will.”  

Very admirable statements. In his desire to return to his homeland to his friends and relatives after his tax dodge in Switzerland, Ingvar has transferred about $50 billion to a foundation he says he can’t “control.” But tax experts claim he is using a very complex tax-sheltering scheme to maintain control over his $50 billion. This leads one to believe that even at age 87, he is fattening up untold numbers of camels, to the dismay of Donkey-Democrats who want him to pay his “fair share.” To further complicate his case study, in 1942 Ingvar joined a pro-fascist group called the New Swedish Movement and raised funds to prolong its existence. He later apologized to his thousands of employees for supporting the pro-Nazi group. This Midas is a very complex guy.

Corporate Welfare For Sam Walton And His Kids

Sam Walton of Walmart fame must have learned about camels, needles, and Lazarus while teaching Sunday School at his local Presbyterian Church in Bentonville, Arkansas, but evidently he didn’t pass all of the wisdom, morality, and ethics of the Bible’s Ten Commandments to the business ten commandments he published in his autobiography ”Made In America: My Story.” I won’t go through all of his commandments, but two stand out: (2) Share your rewards, and (5) Value your associates. Sam’s business “morality” has driven thousands of smaller family businesses into bankruptcy and oblivion by under-cutting them in countries around the world. Sam always worked on a public image of giving back to his employees. Early he established profit-sharing schemes, store discounts, and stock options for some employees. But Sam was a very good carnival barker, selling pigs in pokes and brass as gold.

The four surviving members of the Walton family are now worth over $100 billion. Last year alone, each Walton made $5 billion off stock and investments during the fifth year of our recession. Walmart executives claim the average full-time wage for “associates” is $12.78 per hour. Business World, a very reputable business magazine, says the actual pay comes out to $8.81 per hour for full-timers. Walmart part-timers and temps make much less. Walmart currently employs about 1.4 million “associates” for over 4,000 stores in the U.S. (When I worked for Penney’s in high school, I was called a clerk.) Many Walmart employees fall under the poverty line. But all Walmart shoppers should understand that when they get a couple cents off a quart of paint or a bunch of bananas, they are not done paying for Sam’s discounts at the cash register.

The U.S. House Committee on Education and the Workforce studied the salary and meager benefits Walmart pays many associates and determined that a typical Walmart store in the U.S. costs taxpayers over $1.7 million a year for employee food stamps, health care, and other expenses for Walmart workers under the poverty line. Multiply $1.7 million by 4,000 and then find it under corporate welfare in the federal budget. So Sam Walton’s family is not living up to his commandments in at least two major areas: (1) Sharing rewards from a very profitable company, and (2) Valuing your associates because they have made it a profitable company. The Walton family has so many camels it can’t squeeze through the eye of the needle, they should be embarrassed. But they aren’t. The Walmart Corporation averages one-tenth of one percent for charitable contributions, the least of all active U.S. businesses. I wonder if it would have made a difference if Lazarus had been a Presbyterian....