Bad food is behind the anxieties of the conservatives

Forrest Johnson

Editor’s note: The health of the Social Security system has been in the news again, so with a few tweaks and edits we’re running this column through the wringer once again.

The Parade to Nowhere continues

Arguments that Social Security is failing continue to build across the large segment of the population that is consuming the bio-engineered and amply processed food made to keep cows and humans passive and well-fed while lowering intelligence at the same time.
It has to be the food.
You are what you eat.
I’m not saying there’s a conspiracy to dumb down the population through its food sources but I can’t find any other reason why our collective intelligence has been declining so precipitously. I have to believe that industrially prepared food has a hand in this national quandary. Family farms have been effectively reduced by industrial farming. Why not intelligence?

I listened to a Minnesota Public Radio interview not long ago about the state of the Social Security system. Perhaps you heard it as well. In my mind it went a long way to dispel some of the rumors about the fate of the iconic retirement assistance program begun in 1935 and updated many, many times in the 84 years since.
A recent government report stirred the pot for conservatives by saying the date has been moved up a few years regarding full payouts for social security recipients. If nothing is done by 2033, social security benefits will have to be reduced to 75 percent of current levels. If nothing is done. It’s the perfect time for free marketeers to crow that privatizing the system is the only way out. 

Instead of saying there may be a reduction in benefits they shout that Social Security will be broke. Busted. The vault emptied.
Not so, according to the experts. 
The SSI trust funds are doing just fine no matter the fear campaign whipped up by conservatives and other supporters of the rich and powerful.
Social Security is another of those shared social programs that receives big support across the demographic even though the New Conservative Neanderthal Party (NCNP) has chosen to fabricate dire news about its fate from time to time.
It has been one of the most successful retirement safety net programs in the world.
Henry Aaron, the other Henry Aaron, the economist who is the acknowledged expert on the federal program, provided clear answers to the many worried and even angry notions floating about in the political winds. The lineup of chimpanzees and other lesser primates masquerading as Republican senators and congressmen all have taken their turns bashing Social Security. 

Aaron explained that such notions are simply wrong. He also noted that conservatives have fretted over the program since its inception and have hoped for its failure all along. 
A Ponsi scheme it is not.
Too bad so many conservatives can’t hear factual information through the static caused by their consumption of industrial and processed foods. It has to be the food that’s causing their myopia and anger. I guess bad food also makes them anxious about crazy Islamists forcing Sharia Law on an unsuspecting America or Bernie Sanders forcing socialism on us first. It’s amazing how a thousand bad guys in the world can scare the wits out of a nation of 326 million people. I guess that’s what bad food and a little ignorance can do. Bad food also must give them the willies over such a thing as universal health or decreasing the size of the military across the globe. 

As I listened to Mr. Aaron I wish the vast uninformed masses of bad eaters could’ve heard that the fiscal worry over how a smaller working population can fund a program full of baby boomers has been anticipated for years. 
The trust funds are solid. Aaron politely debunked every fearful NCNP talking point.        
He pointed out that if nothing were done, nothing, which could happen with a reticent NCNP marching blindly across the landscape, the system would pay full benefits through at least the year 2033, with benefits declining to 75 percent of current levels after that and on into the foreseeable future.
If nothing were done.
Maybe it’s a coincidence but “If Nothing Were Done” happens to be the motto of the NCNP and other select lesser primate conservative groups.
All I can say is that it has to be the food.
The National Union of Friendly Americans (NUFA) recently discussed the issue of intelligence draining foods and is committed to start getting the industrial foods off the tables of Americans as soon as possible.
My own occasional lack of intelligence on matters larger than my own intellect is completely natural--organic, perhaps due to numerous concussions and bourbon. But for those millions of people who have seen their intelligence in decline due to flawed political and social notions, there is help. 
You see, the real problem isn’t that people are fearful of the boogeyman.
All those people are just too anxious because of the food they eat.
You are what you eat.
Bad food, bad thoughts.