A wall won't stop the Rumpt's Boogeyman

Forrest Johnson

"30 Feet Tall and Attractive From the North: U.S. Orders Prototype for Border Wall." 

So said the headline in a recent New York Times article as the Dept. of Homeland Security took a first step in building a border wall to protect us from the Boogeyman. As we all know the Boogeyman is a formidable opponent, a shrewd and fearful figure. He looms out of our childish past and in ageless fashion menaces civil society for time immemorial. Those of us who really understand the Boogeyman know full well a wall will not stop the Boogeyman.

I remember my fist brush with the ruthless figure. I was perhaps five or six years old and down the road at the neighbors house on a dark and stormy night. At the door one of the older kids handed me a broken Tonka Toy crane to bring home. As I was about to leave he said "Don't let the Boogeyman get you." His mother confirmed the existence of the creature by saying "Jeffrey, don't tell him that." I felt like I was shoved out the door and left in the chill wind to fend for myself. Tree branches swayed and shadows lurked. I ran as fast as I could through the woods, the Boogeyman hot on my heels. If he caught up to me I'd distract him by tossing the broken toy and make my escape as he took the time to swallow the bait. If that didn't work I'd do battle with the beast by using the crane as a lance. I was terrified by the time I got home and told mom and dad about my escape from certain death. Both parents confirmed the existence of the creature by saying there was no such thing as the Boogeyman. Then I knew everybody was in on the cover-up. My own parents of all people were trying to hush up what all us kids knew: the Boogeyman was as real as Santa or Men from Mars.

Obviously President Rumpt and members of his administration acknowledge the existence of the Boogeyman. The Boogeyman is, of course, the central figure in all of his policies. The Boogeyman is here, the Boogeyman is there, the Boogeyman is everywhere. To Rumpt, he's as real as Santa or Men from Mars.

What Rumpt and his aides don't understand is that a wall won't stop the Boogeyman.

No wall can stop the Boogeyman.          

According to the Times, four companies have won contracts to build prototypes of a concrete wall and the department has reallocated $20 million toward the project. Homeland Security will then add those prototypes to existing border wall structures near San Diego where they will be studied to see what works best.

The border between the U.S. and Mexico is roughly 1900 miles in length. An assortment of barriers now stretch along 650 miles of that border, none of which have ever stopped the Boogeyman. He laughs at our feeble attempts to keep him out. Walls are useless.

I give credit to the department for requesting that the prototypes to be "somewhat aesthetically pleasing" from the American side according to the contract documents.

The Boogeyman laughs. Make it as pretty as you please, you fools. Paint it brightly and make the Mexicans pay for the paint. You fools. Nothing stops the Boogeyman. Build yourself a wall surrounded by a moat full of alligators and crocodiles, have your wall patrolled by the KKK and white supremacists. It doesn't matter. You can't stop the Boogeyman from invading.

"It's hard to understand the strategic value of this wall in terms of protecting U.S. citizens and illegal activity," said Laura Peterson, with the Project on Government Oversight, a watchdog group. "Customs and Border Protection didn't seem to need it before Trump's executive order."

According to the Times, the Army Corps of Engineers has been drilling and taking soil samples at different spots along the border to determine what kinds of barriers would be most effective in the various types of geography along the border. Customs and Border Protection said vendors would build prototypes that would make it essentially impossible for a person to climb over the wall or scale it with a ladder. The prototypes would also include features designed to prevent scaling using common and more sophisticated climbing aids.

The Boogeyman laughs. Build a 100 foot wall and I'll bring a 101 foot ladder, you fools. I can climb any wall and still invade your country. You cannot escape. I will intrude. You can't keep me out. The Boogeyman is everywhere.  

Rumpt has spent years cultivating the notion that there's a Boogeyman behind every tree. It worked very well for him. He can't stop now. Rumpt must sow fear by creating his own Boogeymen, lots of them, Boogeymen who will walk right into the country and vote illegally and shoot people and steal jobs as real as any Santa or Men from Mars.