The Personal Question At 6 P.M.: “Are You Healthy Enough For Sex?”

Ed Raymond

  I’ve been writing so much about religion and sex lately I really wanted to take a break for a week, but so much has happened to the subject in the last couple of weeks, I might spend the next four hours writing about it. It’s the most important subject in the commercials around network news at supper time. The beautiful mature women lolling on beds in breezy diaphanous gowns or football jerseys, ask if erections of 40-year-old men can last long enough, then also ask the really tough question: “Are you healthy enough for sex?”  And the male world snaps back: “You bet my sweet Viagra-laced bippy I’m ready!”  Back in about 1910 an actress by the name of Beatrice Stella Tanner Campbell reportedly told a younger actress in a play who had complained about the excessive affection showed toward the leading man by another actress: “My dear, I don’t care what they do, so long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses!”  With what has happened in the world of sex in the last couple of weeks, maybe it’s a good thing all the horses are kept in pastures. There is enough happening out there to even frighten some humans—but sex seems to be here to stay.

• The Muslim Taliban in Afghanistan is so concerned about one-half of their women dying in pregnancy or childbirth they are sponsoring TV programs for both sexes on the use of condoms. The American Taliban composed of evangelical Christians and the U.S. Conference of Roman Catholic Bishops has not responded to this program on human sex and reproduction. Maybe they just don’t give a damn about women.

• Lamar Odom of NBA  and reality show fame—while married to a sexy Kardashian—spent four days at the Love Ranch in Crystal, Nevada with two fallen women, cocaine, and some sexifying drugs called Reload and Libimax Plus, so-called “herbal Viagra.” The four days in the whorehouse cost him $75,000 and put him in a near-death coma for days. I think he’s still in a Las Vegas hospital, trying to capture the excitement of those days again. Perhaps an excess of testosterone?

• I was intrigued by the Washington Post headline “South Carolina Woman Escapes Rape By Biting Off Her Attacker’s Tongue.”  The 16-year-old rapist was caught when his mother called 911 because her son had lost his tongue and needed medical assistance. The biter-off is a 33-year-old woman who was tackled and punched when she answered her door. The attacker had a 13-inch serrated knife as a weapon. While he was busy pulling down her shorts she kicked him in the groin. How his tongue got in her mouth was not explicitly covered but she ended up spitting it out. Evidently his hormones were raging but she did fight off the rapist.

• A lesbian couple vacationing in Hawaii showed some affection for each other while shopping in a Foodland store.  They were warned about hugging and exchanging a kiss in an aisle. A uniformed police officer with 26 years of experience yelled at them “to take it somewhere else.” While they were checking out, the officer grabbed one of the women by the wrist. A scuffle ensued. They were arrested for felony assault, spending three days in jail before making bond. They had to stay in Hawaii until charges were dismissed. They ended up at a homeless shelter because of lack of funds. I bet their first trip to Hawaii will be their last. (Don’t French and Russian men kiss each other on both cheeks when meeting? What does that mean?)

• I’m a James Bond 007 fan but I had forgotten the ending of Ian Fleming’s “Goldfinger” when James seems to cure the lesbian with the unforgettable name Pussy Galore of her “psycho-pathological malady.” Fleming revealed all of this in a letter that’s going up for sale in London for an estimated 3,000 to 4,000 pounds. In one of the last scenes Bond bends over her and kisses her gently and says, “They told me you only like women.” She replies, “I never met a man before.” Bond then promises her “tender, loving care.” Wow! He’s something! Curing a lesbian of homosexuality ! Promote him to  014!

• While reviewing the book “Keeping The Vow: The Untold Story Of Married Catholic Priests,” Garry Willis, a Catholic who is an expert in Catholic theology, reveals some surprising news about Catholic sex in his New York Review of Books article “When Priests Marry”: (1) Various studies show that the number of gay priests ranges from 15 to 50%--which is ten times the rate of gays in the regular population, (2) Studies by Catholic psychiatrist Richard Sipe show that only 40% of priests, gay or straight, “permanently” practice celibacy, (3) A 2014 Pew poll shows that 85% of Catholics under 30—and 70% of all Catholics—favor the moral acceptance of homosexuality, (4) 57% of all Catholics favor same-sex marriage. Wills summary of Catholic sex life: “The Catholic Church, whose charm was once its serenity and certitude, has lately become a house of many fears. This is what happens to popes who lose touch not only with their people but with their priests.”

• A population study by two prominent ecological professors published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences warns of a possible population catastrophe by 2100 if we don’t reduce human fertility and birth rates. We now have 7.1 billion, and that number could rise to 9 billion by 2050—with a possible increase to 25 billion by 2100. Professors Corey Bradshaw and Barry Brock offer this warning: “Global population has risen so fast over the past century that roughly 14% of all the human beings that have ever lived are still alive today… We examined various scenarios for global human population change to the year 2100 by adjusting fertility and mortality rates to determine the plausible range of population sizes at the end of the century. Even a worldwide one-child policy like China (which they recently changed to two)…would still likely result in up to ten billion more people by 2100.” They say good family planning will eventually have an impact…but not immediately.

• The new film “Spotlight” covers the sexual abuse by priests in the Boston Roman Catholic diocese. An investigation by the Boston Globe revealed that Cardinal Bernard Law, the archbishop of the diocese, moved priests from church to church to cover up sexual assaults and essentially turned a blind eye to the hundreds of cases of sex abuse. A Boston Globe editorial charged that “Law became the central figure in a scandal of criminal abuse, denial, payoff and coverup that resonates around the world.” Law was protected and rescued from Boston by the new saint Pope John Paul II, placed in an expensive apartment in Rome, and then was appointed by him to the honorific role of archpriest of the Basilica of the Santa Maria Maggiore. That action told the Vatican and its bishops around the world that abusers would be protected by the pope. Law retired from the basilica in 2011 at age 80—and continues to lead the good life in Rome. Reviewers have said the movie is “riveting.” It should be. Pope Francis declared Pope John Paul II and Pope John XXIII saints on April 27, 2014, stating: “We enroll them among the saints, decreeing that they are to be venerated as such by the whole church.” I wonder if the thousands of girls, boys, men, and women abused by priests around the world will venerate Pope John Paul II, whose blood is now a saintly relic recognized by the church. Don’t bet your sweet bippy.

• Evangelical Christians and Roman Catholic bishops need more experience in the real world. A list of possible genders and other sexual orientations was conveniently listed in the Fargo Forum the other day in an article about a pansexual. Some kind of sex is here to stay--with all of its pleasures and pains. The list: (1) Asexual—not interested in it, (2) Bisexual—will have it with either gender, (3) Intersex—doesn’t fit the medical definition of male or female and may be born with both male and female parts,(4) Queer—someone really different sexually, (5) Pansexual—open to sex with anyone regardless of gender and physical description, and (6) Transgender—different physical gender at birth than as an adult. I’m not sure any of these humans are recognized in the Bible. Remember, according to the Bible, God gave a physical to everybody in the womb.
• Chemsex is the latest thing. It’s intentional sex under the influence of psychoactive drugs, mostly among men who have sex with men—but not necessarily. People engaging in chemsex may average five unprotected sexual partners in one session. Read about sex in 632 A.F. (After Ford) in Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World.” We are about there.

Abstinence, Celibacy, Vatican Roulette, Contraceptives, Abortion, Testosterone, Estrogen, Eroticism, Homosexuality, Human Desires—A Very Crowded Menu For Bishops And Bible Thumpers

The preponderance of evidence indicates sex is here to stay. Retirement and nursing home administrators complain of 90-year-old men and women prowling the hallways and game rooms looking for sex. Some matchups are absolutely fascinating to other residents. Politicians such as Ted Cruz state the same-sex marriage decision “is some of the darkest 24 hours in our nation’s history.” Tell that to the 700,000 lesbian, gay, and bisexual millennial parents who are happily raising adopted children. Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council said it was “the downfall of America.” So were inter-racial marriages made legal over 30 years ago. Now, 15% of marriages are between races. Billy Graham’s son Franklin, a word spinner like his father, was more descriptive than his father about same-sex activities: “A nose dive off of the moral diving board into the cesspool of humanity.” What would Jesus have said? Some people might find solace and reason in Michael Gerson’s article, “How Should Conservative Christians Handle A Rapidly Changing Culture?” We are rapidly becoming a less religious nation, according to Pew Research. Or are we just fed up with the anti-science, anti-human preaching of conservative “theologians?” In just seven years the religiously unaffiliated have increased to 23% of the population from 16%. But 89% still say they believe in God! Somebody should be accused of malpractice or lying—or both. In the last seven years approval of homosexuality has gone from 44% to 54%. Actually, approval of abortion has remained at 53% for some years.

Northern Island is still a hot bed (so to speak) of conservative Roman Catholic policies, although the Assembly recently voted to legalize same-sex marriage. Abortion is so restrictive in Northern Ireland that the penalty is still life imprisonment. Thousands of Irish women are forced to travel at great expense to England for abortions, regardless of circumstance such as rape or medical reasons. Read Amelia Gentleman’s article in the Guardian newspaper titled “It Was The Scariest Thing I’ve Ever Done”: The Irish Women Forced To Travel for Abortions.” It’s a very powerful story. Irish women are so upset about abortion laws they are now e-mailing the dates of their menstrual periods to Prime Minister Enda Kenny, a powerful reference to the failure of Vatican Roulette, the contraceptive of calendars and thermometers.

Maybe Liletta Will Help Women Win The Abortion Wars

Billionaire Warren Buffet has provided the money to develop a new intrauterine device called Liletta, which has proven to be 99% effective in preventing pregnancies. The only “contraception” safer is permanent sterilization. Trials in Europe have proved it is safe. Insured women can now get coverage for the device for $75 out-of-pocket-expense. Note to the Vatican and to all Bible Thumpers: There are over 300 million Catholic and many millions of other Christian girls and women in the world who need it because they like sex. Get real.