Co-worker refuses to remove Boba Fett costume from last week

The mass marketing campaign known as Force Friday is over, but Logistics manager Steve Wang of Glenlee Assets Inc has continued wearing his Boba Fett costume to work for the past week, and seems to have no interest in stopping.

“Everyone thought it was fun the first day he did it,” said Manuel Rodriguez, an advertising copywriter. “But it’s now it’s just getting a little sad. He’s completely destroying the mystique and illusion of the entire Star Wars universe for all of us. I want to see Boba Fett shooting people and hunting bounties, not eating Chex Mix by himself and pushing a metal ruler down his costume to scratch his balls when he thinks no one’s looking. No matter how good the new movie is, all I’ll be able to think about while watching it is that time I saw Boba Steve sitting on the toilet in one of our door-less restroom stalls. The noises that accompanied that vision were beyond this galaxy.”

No one in Boba Steve’s workplace knows why he’s doing it, and no one likes him enough to ask, but theories abound. Some say the costume helps mask his sadness after missing out on Friday’s release of the coveted BB-8 toy, or perhaps one of the Millennium Falcon drones that also sold out in a matter of minutes. Others suspect he just hates his co-workers and is looking for an excuse not to speak to anyone.

A few employees have complained to management about his work cosplay, but since Boba Steve’s productivity has actually improved since he began wearing the costume, none of his bosses dare ask him to remove it.

“He’s literally become a bounty hunter for spreadsheets,” said Brad Thomas, Boba Steve’s boss. “You’d think it would be difficult to do earnings forecasting with an EE-3 Carbine Rifle strapped to your belt and 10 pounds of armor on, but Steve’s productivity has literally doubled. I’m honestly tempted to add bullshit Star Wars references to everything we do around here, just to see if it works on everyone.”

Despite the much welcomed productivity, many of Boba Steve’s co-workers find his cosplaying suspicious. After weeks of rumors circulating, the current consensus amongst employees is that he’s reading comic books whilst relieving himself within the costume.

“The problem is we don’t know what he’s doing under there,” said HR Manager Glenna Parsley. “Is he pleasuring himself? Is he plotting against the Jews? For all we know, he could be watching Hulu under there, an act strictly prohibited by our workplace’s Internet Streaming Guidelines. I’ve asked Steve about all this, but I’m not sure if he can even hear me under that thing.

“Wait, do you think he’s weeding?” added Parsley. “If he’s vaping under there with weed cigarettes, then I’m worried about what he might do. I’ve seen those public safety commercials where a baby drowns in a pool because the weeder guy was weeding. I don’t want that to happen at work.”

There are no toddlers or swimming pools at the workplace, but there have been a few troubling incidents. Wendell Clark, a graphic designer for the firm, said he made a Star Wars Universe factual error the other day that caused Boba Steve to throw a violent fit. Clark had reportedly suggested that Steve “switch things up a bit” and maybe “wear the blue and silver version of the costume” the next day.

This comment caused Boba Steve to repeatedly pound his fist on his desk and throw his computer monitor at Clark’s cubicle. It seems the Boba Fett with the blue markings is actually Jango Fett, Boba’s father, as opposed to an additional fashion accessory for the regular character.

“Well, at least we know he can hear us,” said Clark. “But his expectations are ridiculous. I like Star Wars, but I can’t keep track of thousands of characters spread throughout hundreds of timelines. I’ve got a life to lead, for Christ’s sake. Why can’t our female co-workers act this passionate? No one would mind if Clara from marketing wore a Slave Leia bikini for weeks and walked around slapping people. Hell, I’d show up to work early for that.”

Clara from marketing, who works in the cubicle next to Clark’s, declined to comment on the matter, instead rolling her eyes and popping a Xanax from her purse.

Despite these minor issues, most of Boba Steve’s co-workers are on board with his new lifestyle choice, fully supporting his decision to change his identity from a middle-aged geek to a fictional intergalactic bounty hunter. The ladies around the office have noticed the change as well.

“I actually love it,” said Haley Carson, Steve’s co-worker. “Steve was just a boring, ugly corporate fart eater before, but now he’s Boba Fett. The costume’s kinda hot, or at least more attractive than regular Steve. That cold distressed metal, the lack of talking, the passion that causes him to wear this suit of emotional armor every day. If Steve is this loyal to Star Wars - especially with how JJ Abrams ruined Star Trek - think of how loyal he’ll be to me. This may sound weird, but I kinda wanna ask Steve to grab a drink after work.

“Boba Steve,” she quickly added. “Not regular Steve. I do have standards.”