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Editor’s note: My old pal Leonard G. Mendola wondered if I’d give him some space in my column to promote his latest invention. I said fine, as long as you have a good story to tell.
My name is Leonard G. Mendola and the following is a true story.
I found a deer tick in my rear recently and it sure brought back a flood of memories about me and Elvis. My tick resistance suit has worked like a charm when I’ve had it in use and I’m kicking myself for not wearing it when I headed to the shack recently. Those ticks seem to be everywhere these days.
The fine simulated latex spandex flex material first developed by Elvis’s costume designer for his Las Vegas shows back in the 1970s would’ve stopped that lone tick from burrowing into my posterior and setting up shop.
Shortly after Elvis died in 1977 I received a box in the mail and in it were the simulated latex spandex flex material suits that used to fit his body like a glove before he lost his mind to celebrity. I guess they were intended as a gift, acknowledging our days together back in the 1950s when he was first appearing at county fairs and on the radio. There was nothing spangly about the suits. They wear like a second skin and with the booming population of ticks, including the deer tick and its too often occurring Lymes Disease, I decided a couple of years ago that they might be put to good use in fending off the little buggers.
I once watched a mosquito try to probe through the space-age material and grow frustrated, eventually folding her proboscis in half and flying away to die a horrible death without ever having tasted blood.
Ticks simply wandered around in circles on the material, disoriented by the lack of mammalian scent and a rubbery surface that would not be penetrated.
Fool as I am I don’t wear it all the time. Thus, the deer tick in my rear.
Twisting around and using the mirror, I was able to dig out most of the pest with a good tweezers and a safety pin. The local doctor suggested quinine, vodka and doxycycline as the nearest things to an herbal remedy.
Not that I knew Elvis well or anything but we did kick around in Memphis in those days before Col. Tom Parker got a hold of him and turned him into an all-American pop star, a movie star, a fashion model, a crooner of the kind they make in Las Vegas, you know, lounge lizards. Before that I introduced him to Buddy Guy and Junior Wells and Little Walter, the kind of guys that would’ve kept him on the right path.
He eventually got so full of himself that he took leave of his senses, climbed out the upstairs window and slid down the drainpipe, so to speak, never to return to his old self again.
After that, everything he wore had big buckles and sparkly things all over, he gained a tremendous amount of weight and just plain didn’t want to go walking in the woods anymore. He was changed by his notoriety.
Our friendship didn’t sour but I found myself having to tolerate his new personality as he pandered to his lavish whims. The orbit of his life soon left this galaxy on a trajectory that ended in his death.
Some folks are wildly spooked by ticks. The true meaning of a tick and its purpose in the web of life has eluded even the greatest minds in science and industry and you either accept them as a necessary evil or you scream when you find one crawling on you.
There is no middle road when it comes to ticks.
And now the deer tick is a whole other headache.
The Lymes Disease host-prey relationship is curious but not without precedent in the bug-human world. Bugs, bacteria and humankind are synonymous.
I’ve had deer ticks before and haven’t been inflicted with Lymes, thank God. They burrow into the skin and you’ve really got to work to get them out. The last time I had one I treated it with a farmer match, not because it was a proven method for dealing with them but because I was darn mad. I put the coals right to the dang thing. I was concerned about Lymes so I was careful to notice any changes in my temperature, behavior and barometric pressure. Brain damage is a pre-existing condition with me and not a good barometer of any illness.
The suit has since been the answer. Yes, on a warm day you have to stay out of direct sunlight or you’ll cook like a fish wrapped in foil and thrown on the campfire.
Suffice to say, I prefer to wear the tick prevention suit in slightly cooler weather.
I recommend them highly for active woodsmen and woodswomen.
I have turned over the suits to the Camp Shack Outdoor Gear lab for more testing but I tell you they keep the ticks at bay. Please watch this space for any further updates and information about product availability.