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Girls!  Pay attention!  Never say there aren’t any good, single men out there when there is quite a smorgasbord at your very fingertips.  That didn’t quite come out right.  Still, take a chance and online date.

Do not embellish your profile.  When I sat down to write the “about me” section, I decided to go full-on honest, as in, “I haven’t been in a relationship for years.”  I did add that I write a dating column and that confused many.  I didn’t say I didn’t DATE, I said I haven’t been in a relationship.  Big difference!

When venturing out on that first date with Joe, I tried a new approach, and that is one of fun.  Who would of thunk!?  He worked 2 weeks out of town and 1 week in and I thought, I could totally deal with that!  I’m not much of a clinger and have gotten so independent that it didn’t bother me at all.  When he said to get a hold of him in two weeks, I knew that was the last of him.  He expected me to call him and that wasn’t happening, folks.  How many times do I have to say men must hunt in order to appreciate the girl?

Applebee’s brought on a night driver, which I would normally avoid, but he hadn’t been driving for that long.  Night drivers are a breed of their own.  I’m not making stereotypical overtures, I’ve worked with drivers for over two decades and have formed an educated opinion.  Too much time to think, makes for some very weird conversations when they finally do have a chance to talk to people.  An array of paranoid thoughts about other drivers and their assignments and how they are always screwed and overlooked, all with matching diabolical plans to get whoever back – it’s totally nuts!  Plus, when you work all night and sleep all day, it’s not natural and makes you goofy.  Ask anyone.  Derrick, the driver, used to be a salesman so he was the exception.  Nice looking and much slimmer than his pictures (only a man would post pictures of himself weighing more than he does!) Derrick’s stature was smaller than mine and that makes me uncomfortable.  He’s read my articles and said, “I know you don’t call boys, but do you text?”  I said yes, but again, he expected me to get a hold of him, what is with this!?  

Now don’t think I’m being too harsh or picky, if either of these men were really interested, they would have called.  Nothing stops a man who is pursuing a woman that he wants.  If you’re too damned insecure and are afraid of rejection, then you (YOU, as in men in general) miss out.  Take charge, that’s what we really want and things like an out of town job or a smaller stature are overlooked by attitude and self-assurance.

Onward to Bruce, who was another driver, but a day driver.  We exchanged a few emails and decided to have dinner.  He confessed he was intimidated to go out with someone who wrote about dating, like writing about it makes me some kind of expert.  More like, “Here are my mistakes and foibles....enjoy!!”  Before we met, we were texting and suddenly I get a “Are you sure you want to go out?”  Sometimes texts do not translate, you’re being glib or facetious and it comes across as deadpan mean or thoughtless.  He asked me to call him and I reassured him that yes, I wanted to have dinner and was looking forward to meeting him.

I met Bruce at a bar/restaurant, 15 minutes late because I took a wrong turn.  I tried to call but the phone went right to voice mail.  When I arrived, he said he wasn’t sure I was going to show up and looked a little nervous.  I hadn’t been there two minutes before the rose lady sidles up to pressure this  poor guy into a forced flower situation.  I looked at him and rolled my eyes, imploring him not to give in to the flower pusher...but he was too much of a gentleman and bought me not one but three flowers in various unlikely shades.  They were lovely and it had been a long time between flowers.

Over dinner we were talking about what we wanted out of life and I asked him, “If you could have or do anything your heart desires, what would it be?”  He shrugged and said, “I want my son to be happy.”  OK, that’s nice.  When he read my expression and had a questioning look, I asked, “Do you want to hear what I would say to that on a date or what I would say to that in a workshop environment?”  He wanted the workshop version and I said, “Making a statement like you want to be happy or for this person to be happy is not a dream or a goal, it is a mealy-mouthed wish that goes nowhere.  It is not specific enough for the Universe to do anything.”  He was taken aback, but I hoped, in that moment, he would go home and think more about what he wanted and how he would be that much closer to getting it once he nailed down the details.

Surprisingly, Bruce wanted to go out again and we set up another date.  In between, the texts he was sending me were setting off a few alarms.  Like, out of the blue, “I don’t think you have that spark for me...”  This is where I was suppose to say, “Oh yes I do – you’re great!” Geez, this guy needed so much reassurance!  Finally, I made his nightmare come true and agreed that yes, we were not a fit and I hoped he found someone nice.

Before meeting Tim and before programming his number, I received a suggestive text and replied back with “Who is this?”  He pretended to be hurt and went to to text back, “Your worst nightmare!” which sent a chill up my spine, who says that?!  More texts:  “Your best future lover” and “the best cook you’ll ever meet” and still did not say who he was.  I asked again and was prompted to guess and I, of course, guessed the wrong name, which led to further faked hurt feelings.  When I suggested he just TELL ME who he is, then we could avoid any further confusion.  Canceled that date!  Talking about worst nightmares and sex before a first date?  Not.

I started out this column encouraging you to get out there and now it seems I’ve given you reason not to.  Do not be put off by my standards, you have your own and maybe you don’t mind being the pursuer.  Not everyone is obsessed by the size of the person or maybe you would enjoy reassuring your man.  These were pretty much all nice guys with good jobs and homes, which is a good place to start!  Just do your checking...when someone says they’re a chef, ask which restaurant, I did, and got a, “Um, well, I used to cook.....”  How does that make you a chef!?