Bittersweet Beginnings

Why aren’t you writing anymore?” This has become a key question/phrase in my life these almost ten months past. Out of the blue a friend or a stranger will stop me and ask that very question. The thing is, it’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, and it’s not as though I no longer foster an opinion on things- because believe me I do, it’s just that for these past months, I couldn’t! As most people who know anything about me have heard, I lost my mom very tragically and unexpectedly this past September and to say the least the loss shook me to my core, stripped me to nothing and knocked me all the way down. It’s indescribable how one “moves on” from something like this. I certainly cannot say that I have, or ever will, but at the very least I have learned to semi-function and to allow myself to understand that my life will never be the same. How could it? Everything now is very different, and I am very different and simply put, just starting a bittersweet beginning of my life “after” her death. As now forever and forever, every single thing I do/accomplish/or otherwise will be categorized as “before” the worst day of my life, and “after.”  But writing? I can control this and that is something I want back. I miss it! I miss my columns....and admit it....you miss me.

   There is a distinct certain vulnerability that comes with writing. Essentially putting my fingers to a keyboard and opening up my brain is a lot like publishing my dairy. Of course my diary is much, much worse than this but if you follow my drift I needed to take those months to separate myself from everything. I was hiding and I needed to keep certain things to myself and take the time to understand if I still wanted to publicly say what I thought anymore. I had a lot of people who loved my columns, and a lot (maybe more) that hated them. I’ve never let that bother me because I do this for a purpose, so that a random person on any given day can voice an opinion of random issues and not have to just sit quietly while the world “happens” around them. As Leonardo Da Vinci said “I awoke, only to see that the rest of the world is still asleep”   

   It’s amazing how desperately Duluth especially needs more people like me who are willing to do this writing thing. I have come to see through this time of observation and reflection that if not for independent opinion pieces and wonderful publications like the Reader Weekly, all people are left with is puff piece News Tribune nonsense and Associated Press drivel. And you know what happens then......nothing! Absolutely nothing. I mean, look, Jim Carlson is STILL here. In and out of jail yes, but still here, still feeding the zombies their synthetic fix while boasting he’s providing a legal service to the community..... funny because Hitler thought he was doing the same thing. Not that I like to compare anything to what Hitler did because that is historically untouchable, but you know what I mean. Jim Carlson hurts people, so did nazi’s and he’s seemingly becoming hard to get rid of, just like nazi’s. Is this because we haven’t made him feel unwelcome enough yet? Well, please let me try. I’m back Jim Carlson and I still want you to stop selling “legal death” to people who can’t control themselves ok? I’m going to talk about it a lot....I’m going to bug you and possibly make your father mad at me again, but that’s alright baby, that’s alright with me.... Besides that insanity, Paula Deen is a racist, gay marriage is finally becoming accepted, and the Vikings starting line is looking superb! So many things to discuss. I have decided as long as readers are reading, and as long as super-great Bob Boone allows me to be published, I’m going to rock this.

   It’s been  for me an eventful ten months. I went to Hawaii and snorkeled. I went to San Diego and embarrassingly od’d on wine in the airplane.....I bought a house, threatened to sue my child’s school, got in another fight with Voyageur bus, sold a truck, bought a truck,sold another truck, joined facebook (!!!??), got four tattoos, oh and just recently handed in my resignation notice at work. Each one of these events comes with a story, as nothing for me happens normally, and seeing as I am back to writing, readers can expect to hear these stories at one point or another; lucky, lucky you. I’m also excited to once again venture outside my bubble and complain about all the screwed up things that happen in our city, state, country, etc. Who knows? Maybe this time, I’ll be better. I’m certainly more damaged than before, yet with damage comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes insight. I’m happy to be back and ready to share my insight with anyone who cares to read it.